Odd question here - I am reading the book but not finished yet - is it a good idea for me to see other women? YES it's an odd question and NO, it's a terrible idea. (Are you serious?)
What would that prove about your desire to reconcile? What's your "staying power" in a committed relationship like, a week?
Yes, sure, SOMEDAY you'll date. You know this. The only dating now would be unfair to OWs b/c you're nowhere near ready to be in a new, real relationship.
And the idea that some game will get your w back is superficial at best, manipulative at worst. What are your 180s? Seems you deflect away from YOUR OWN WORK ON YOU to talk about her and what SHE is doing or thinking...Stop doing that.
And as for her being "happy", can't she say the same about YOU? After all, you chose to act happy around her.
I'd have said to act upbeat and as if you'll be alright no matter what SHE does b/c you are improving as a man and becoming a man only a fool would leave.
But the game playing sounds immature to me. I mean, it just seems wrong that she's with OM and I'm alone but I really don't want to do anything that could harm my chances with my W?
"it seems wrong that she's with OM & I'm alone"....SO I'LL DO SOMETHING WRONG TOO, AND THEN WE'RE EVEN... um, does that sound "adult like" to you?
Tell me how it felt for HER to be your "wife"? Did it ever feel "alone" to her?
You can be mysterious and not act as if you'll wait all your life for her. Yes you can do THAT...but to date OW now? Just wrong.
Oh and as for whether it'd "harm my chances w/my w"...of course it would.
What are you even saying here? Honestly, you think if you both date others -THAT will fix things? What are you doing to show her that marriage to you can be better/different than before?
B/C until/unless your w believes that it can be better/different than before,
she won't come home.
But part of your GAL ought to include dressing up with nice new clothes, a new cologne and haircut, etc. You can IMPLY that OWs will notice you...
Go out with some friends or do some other GAL activity for real...and that will be enough for her to get the idea. Again, what are YOUR 180s? Tell me how you are a man only a fool would leave.
When you believe the reasons you give, it'll show. THAT will be attractive.
and oh, btw, FINISH THE BOOK. Come on, It's not that long.
Thank you - the book only arrived the other day as I had to importit from the states...
My 180s
Financial management/competence Getting fit No nagging Housework - cooking cleaning etc. Always chatting to her - small talk
GAL - joined a fitness club, joined a cookery course, starting to teach photography, new hobby - film making.
If there's anything else I could add to my 180si would be happy to do so - but these were her main complaints,
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
