I hate living in limbo. Never knowing if and when he will flee. I think you are right. Drawing him closer is the key.
I was in a painful limbo over whether W was having an affair or not. Then someone here asked me if I would still be willing to reconcile if she were. So I thought about that long and hard, and I decided that even if she were in an A I would still want to reconcile, and therefore my DB'ing approach would be the same regardless. So then I did what I needed to do to get myself out of that limbo- I assumed the worst. I assumed that she was in a physical affair. And strange as it may sound, that made it a lot easier for me to deal with the whole situation. To this day I don't know if she is/ was or not, but assuming that she was made me face those demons and get past them. So where I am now in my detachment is that it no longer matters to me, it's behind me.
I'm not sure if this attitude would help you or not, perhaps if you just accept in your heart that your H is leaving then it will make it easier for you to deal with the grief and acceptance of that and move on and detach.
