Same Old Wagon Wheel Part 8

[25yearsmlc]

I don't know if there is anything that exists on this topic. But is there a book or workshop that focuses on "LISTENING".

EE does focus, in part, on listening. But only YOU can make it happen. Poor listening Is not a trait you want to have PON.

You MUST repair it b/c it comes off as self centered & dismissive. It's as if you are saying, "hey, she's just not interesting enough to ME" or

"whatever SHE says is not important enough for 2 whole minutes of time" so you can recall what she says...

I can see why it's important to her to have some OM "listen" to her when she texts. Can YOU see that?

OM communicates with her and she with him. I'm not defending it, but it does make sense. If you are not going to listen and you know she wants you to AND you have not changed to do so, it surely makes OM more appealing, doesn't it?

Do you see how UNvalued it would make anyone feel to not be heard, even after they've mentioned that it bothers them? That's insult added to injury.

If it's a memory thing for you, you need to repeat what she says THEN & THERE, to "clarify" and to cement in what she says. Re-cap, in other words, TO HER, what she just said. She'll know you heard her and you'll be more likely to recall it later.

As for interrupting her, still (??) PON, that's just a very rude thing to do. Period.

Who are you, to pretend to "KNOW" What she was going to say? OR that you should rephrase it? OR that she is "taking too long" to say her feelings or thoughts?

It's very insulting. IF you care about her you have to stop it, period.

PON, I know you don't want to be a rude person. I know you do not WANT to be hurtful to your wife, so you simply MUST NOT interrupt her.

But, ask yourself if there's a deeper problem here b/c that behavior MUST change & if you know it hurts her, and you still do it, maybe there is a part of you that wants to hurt or disrespect her. Any truth there?

I read that men interrupt women 6 x more often than women interrupt men.

It's sad and ironic b/c many men don't realize how painful it is to be interrupted...and many of them are here on this site, wondering why their ladies left them...

my wife's LL is quality time and part of that is listening to her. She will often tell me things and a day later I will forget and I can see she gets frustrated. I think I forget because I am not truly listening to her when she says things.

So what are YOU going to do about that? Worry, whine, or CHANGE?

I also find myself cutting her off mid conversation. I see that I do it. I don't let her finish her sentence.

Goodness, WHY do you do that? I hope you can now see that it's not just wrong; it's a really lousy thing to do to her. It hurts your marriage as it hurts your wife and you are the source of that pain. Why would you do that?

I fear that you think there's some gimmick to listening and or not interrupting. But honestly there's no gimmick or trick to it. It takes EFFORT on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. Most of us learn how to do that and we try, in our r's in life, to show that we care. That's all this is. YOU showing your wife that you care enough to hear her out.

Start making that effort PON. You really have to.

I know LISTENING is a very tough skill to master. But I want to so badly

um, it's not THAT tough to master. I mean, It's not Organic Chemistry class. It's your wife talking...And if you want it "so badly", as in, ENOUGH to make the effort, it'll come.

The real question is, will you make a daily effort to do what most people do every day,

OR will you say "it's SO HARD!" and give up?

PON, Are you in charge of your choices or not?