KML - I wish I would have thought of it....better, I wish it were TRUE!
AJ - Thank you so much for your post. It is nice to know that even when I feel insane, I am not insane alone.
Compartmentalizing is the only way I am making it through the day right now - time for work, time for DB Board (set amount of indulgence time) and mostly, time for my terminally ill parent. I cannot recall ever being this tired.
Sometimes I think I am as bad as the MLCer. He did not contact me at all yesterday, and I perversely am slightly angry even after saying to myself I want him to leave me alone. He's on holidays so I wonder what the excuse is? I am trying to detach but I am obviously not and my expectations while low are not at the zero they should be. Which means I am still on the stupid rollercoaster.
Worse, it just occurred to me that I am trying to control something that I cannot control. Wasting energy.
I am probing my feelings about being "done". I want to be done with the roller coaster and the only sure fire way to do that is to be done with him.
I have read quite a lot of posts which say that you will know when you are done and if you have to ask, you aren't done.
Before burning any bridges, I will think about this some more. I know there have been positive steps but I just do not see that he wants me for anything else but a "friend". I am sure he expects me to be "best man" at his wedding. Nope.
I never expected to still be hurting six months later.
