Fun... not really. At this point I am not sure what my H would consider fun. He is so self conscious all the time, it is hard to have fun with him because he never lets loose. I embarrass him.
That one hits close to home. I used to be a stick in the mud too. I was a pretty fun/entertaining guy 20 years ago, but I lost him as the stresses of life overwhelmed me (working hard to get him back!).
That said, maybe it's a topic of discussion you can have with H. There's a section in Gottman's book where he wants you to delve into each other, to get to know each other better. Maybe use this in conjunction with the "fun" topic and see where it goes.
I view it the same as DB and trying to save your M. You can't always be reading books and trying to improve yourself....you'll get overloaded and go crazy. You have to mix some GAL in there to keep it balanced.
Bang On BD! I too was the lampshade on the head type. Full of confidence, life of party etc. I used to be the one that embarrased W, but she liked that. I lost that guy in me through all the same stuff you mention. Also, my problem too was too focussed on all that stuff and did get overloeaded and crazy which overloaded her too. I think she wanted it simplified mixed with fun. Maybe too RLA, just fun with him to get his feet wet and not in places where he feels pressured to show his good time with you in front of others. This should be about delving into each other as BD says.
M17 yrs. me49 xW47 d15 d11
BD1-Jul/11(Affair found out) Therapy 9 months (tried 2) BD2- May/12(sep) Court Jul/13 - I got 50/50 Sold home - Aug/13 Court #2 - Dec/13 Court#3 - Apr/14 ... She lost again We settled.
