I'm sitting here thinking and realize that early on in the R I was doing things for her and the kids b/c I wanted to. As the R went on though I fell into the covert contracts and it went downhill. Since I was doing things in order to try and have a certain outcome I was disappointed when I didn't get that outcome, which then led to resentment, and that further put me in a bad mood and I projected that energy everytime I did do something with or for them.
This is why I suggested you read up on enmeshment, and co-dependency.
