I know his plan is to get an apartment. He had us down to 0 in bank 2 weeks ago til payday. No I do not want to humiliate him but what he is doing to me is despicable. I know, don't sink to his level. Right? Right. His mom wants to talk to me. I think she should know because it's not just that we can't get along. This is the 3rd betrayal. Shouldn't he tell her?
Rachael, I wouldn't have him served at work. Since he is still living under the same roof, I would have him served at home or you could advise him that you have filed and here is your copy. It's your call, but I wouldn't do it to him on the job.
As for is mother, I would meet w/her and see what she wants to talk about. If she raises the issue of your marriage, you can be honest w/her and tell her it's just not working out and tell her, but don't go into all of the details because it's none of her businss. Yes, he should be the one to tell her, but he's not going to be honest w/her either.
My xh told everyone that we had separated, but he did he tell them he was having an affair? No, he said we had agreed to separate because we had grown apart. If someone asked me about the situation, I would say very nicely, that he was the one that "grew apart: when he brought a third party into our marriage. They knew then that he was feeding them a line of BS. So, I wouldn't hold my breath that he will be honest w/her or tell her about it.
Think before you speak when you are talking w/her. I don't know what type of relationship she has w/her son, but you have to be careful because she may be on a fishing expedition to see what you are planning to do. Whatever you do, do not share any information that you have received from your lawyer...blood is thicker than water and no matter what he's doing, right or wrong, she'll stand beside her baby boy.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
He is running into other rooms to text her. Mainly the bathroom. It's getting like an obsession. Doesn't matter who is there. He thinks no one notices how frequent He leaves. He would never believe I would file I think. Once I do the verbal abuse may commence. I used his credit card no. today to pay for my counseling bill cause it was his fault I had to go see one. We will see if he notices.
Quote:
I think she should know because it's not just that we can't get along. This is the 3rd betrayal. Shouldn't he tell her?
I placed that second quote there to play it back to you. I realize it's a tough time right now. I really do and I sympathize. I've been where you are including the constant texting etc.
I never talked to her parents, nor do I plan to. I've entertained the idea a few times, but then I always realize it will not change things. She has to work through it on her own - or not. Either way, it's not her parents I need to talk to. As Snod rightly said, they have to see for themselves, and until then it couldn't possibly their child's fault. You know what I'm saying.
There is no need to tell him anything. If you are going to go through with it, just do it. He'll get the message when it is the right time. It won't change him, but it might surprise him. That's his to deal with.
My $0.04 worth,
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Ok I'm keeping my mouth shut. Gotta take the higher ground and its true I will not change him. The atty. I saw was awesome. Knows her stuff inside and out. Spent 2 hours with me. I'm gonna hire her
If you are satisfied w/this attorney, then hire her. Listen to what she advises you to do and you'll be okay.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will snodderly. Today the h texts me and wants to know how things are going!? He's not feeling well and probably wants comfort. Yesterday he said he didn't feel well and asked about me. I said I'm fine because I'm living life right. He said "is that so." I said "yep" Couldn't help myself. Now when I go downstairs he checks on me cuz I think he knows I'm suspicious about the phone. Too late! I know. Now he's telling me when he's goin to bed and asking if I'm going. I've been replying "nope not yet" and i wait for a while. Can't get h to sleep somewhere else and I'm not sleeping on the couch.
LOL. I did the same thing. I refused to be kicked out of my bedroom. It was a line I wasn't willing to cross. And I was nice and pleasant the entire time. Still am. I find there is no room for the nastiness. They create that in their own mind enough for everyone around and I have no place adding to it.
I can't begin to tell you how glad I am that I've been pleasant with my ex. It has not sat well with her, but that's no excuse for me to act the angry fool. Not that I have not been, at times, but that's my deal. Being pleasant has helped me tremendously in dealing with the spew, lies, etc. I don't have anything to be sorry about in how I treated her. No regrets.
That's a priceless, if not narrow, road to walk Rachael. It really is.
But it's worth it. Try to keep that in mind as you interact with H.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
Boy I need advice here. This evening h was looking at son 18 notebook from college. Notice some sexual doodling but no notes and son just started college.Immature stuff really. H questioned son who said his friend did it. And my h didn't believe him. Son proceeded to get more upset and yelling at hos dad that he didn't do it. Son then stomped outside and hit the brick wall with his fist. H called him back in and son was hyperventalating and lookin at his dad with terrible anger. We got him calmed down. and h told him he had to try harder in school and do the work. Son makes excuses and did not do well in high school. Son has ADD and was on meds but hated them. He wanted to join the army but wouldn't take him due to his grades. The plan was to go to college for a year with at least c's. any ways should all this drama affect my timing on this divorce? H still doing his crap. Son and dad have strife between them. But tonite was rough.
