Next Step, Moving On

[mamabird]

I lived with my H in the house as "roommates" for 4 months (the first 3 after BD I was living at my dad's house). The first 3 months were torture on the kids and me, but pretty much smooth sailing for my H. When I moved back in he was less happy but it was better for me and the boys.

Still, it was very hard to maintain DB at times. I tried my best to stay happy and unconcerned with what H did. We went through a period where I was loving towards him and that was ok but ultimately not healthy for me because I got nothing back. As the months went by, his stance didn't change much. We did go from not eating as a family and not driving as a family to doing those things, which were big improvements, but as far as his posture towards me, he remained steadfastly removed for months, with absolutely no budging whatsoever.

In the face of that, I slowly started to "drop the rope." The more things I did for myself, the more I liked how things were going. I must have been doing something right because I was even getting attention from other men (not that I was looking for it). Once that started to happen, I felt more confident in dropping the rope.

It was only after I'd pretty much completely dropped it and made peace with the situation that my H decided to come back around. I'd taken off my wedding ring, made a budget for living on my own, all of it.

So, my advice to you is do not expect anything from your W other than what you are getting. Be pleasant, but have your own life. Read, go to the gym, go out with friends, get a new hobby, but have your own life. You'll find that dropping the rope gets easier with time and as you get used to your "new normal."