I know that I have read that GF is just a bandaid but I feel like the longer she is in place, the harder it will be to rip her off. But even then, I do not really want to be Plan B or some sort of wierd consolation prize and I am afraid that I may always feel that way.
I'm sure that was the feeling prior to BD - it would take a lot to pull you two apart. But I know how you feel. Who want's to be plan B. From what I've seen on the boards, it's not a "plan B" situation per se. They don't plan like rational people. It's not that methodical nor rational. But I totally get it. Only you can decide when you've had enough and there is no more. He won't be doing that any time soon. Silly as that sounds.
Quote:
I constantly feel as if I do not have enough information to make a decision that is right for me.
Well, yeah. If it was easy, wouldn't everyone do it? I feel ya here too. Everything is clear as mud. At the end of it though, you have to do what is right for you and let him figure himself out. To do otherwise would be artificial and you would regret it later no matter how that turns out. It's part of the crazy right? They leave, but won't stop contacting you in familiar ways? Heck, my ex still does that, and she's remarried to OM. It's not fair if there is such a thing, but as it turns out we open the jail door when we decide what we're going to do. When we've had enough and won't go another step with them. All along we had the key, and know it, but didn't want to use it. Something like that.
You'll know when you can't do it anymore. When you won't.
Until then, keep on keeping on. Keep quiet and let things play out. If he wants back, you'll know that too. It won't be an unobvious thing, so you don't have to worry about missing anything.
Just a quick note on compatmentalizing. It's a great way to "get through" but you will need to find a way to reconcile those feelings and actions. It's a war time posture, and has stress consequences. At some point, take out the small parts and deal with them head on if you can. It'll suck at first, but it'll balance out.
Quote:
I think I am lucky here. I have not seen the nasty in a few months, ever since I began to draw back. In fact, it is me who WANTS to be nasty sometimes. Even if it is just a childish urge to say Liar, Liar, pants on fire!
Oh and in case you're wondering. This is a classic example of the "dance" that we do with partners. As they move away, we move to keep the balance. In the case of an mlc'r we refer to it as a roller coaster. In the case of "normal" relationships, it's more like a teeter-totter where we maintain balance with one another. You may not notice it, but you do the same with co-workers in some form. Part of being a team.
Peace, AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
I feel ya here too. Everything is clear as mud. At the end of it though, you have to do what is right for you and let him figure himself out. To do otherwise would be artificial and you would regret it later no matter how that turns out. It's part of the crazy right? They leave, but won't stop contacting you in familiar ways? Heck, my ex still does that, and she's remarried to OM. It's not fair if there is such a thing, but as it turns out we open the jail door when we decide what we're going to do. When we've had enough and won't go another step with them. All along we had the key, and know it, but didn't want to use it. Something like that. 