First, thank you for the encouragement and good wishes. I feel much better today, and had a chance to rest a bit more (worked from home bc it's a snowy day.)
I see BF's point and FY's too. I would never date a man who told me or did the things my H has told me or done, but I would choose to save my M if I could because he is my H. It's a huge difference in my mind. Once I'm married to somebody, it's just different bc of what marriage means to me. In my eyes, I need to do whatever I can do to save my M. Since apparently I was unsuccessful, now all the bets are off. Once the D is finalized, I will need a lot more from his part to want to be back together with him. I don't think he realizes this, but what can I do.
I do feel proud of myself and good about myself for everything I did, so that's good. That's one of the goals of DBing. And like FY said, you never know what is really going on in someone's mind, so you might as well assume there is hope and try your best.
I emailed my H today with some housekeeping updates and a separate message in which I tried to put myself in his shoes. I did this bc I was going through some stuff he wrote to me earlier last year and I saw so much confusion, and even pain. I felt less angry toward him. I saw him as someone who might be also hurting and who's lost his path. He's someone who needs to grow and learn, and I was affected by this, but he was, too. I saw him with compassion and kindness, so whatever I wrote to him was to let him know I'm trying to empathize with his feelings. I also told him my impression of what he's going through. It was a mix of mind reading and what I've learned through the posts of other people on this board. My goal: to reach out. I do want things to be peaceful between us. If he doesn't react, then, fine---we won't have a peaceful R. And I'll be Ok with it bc I know I did my part. But maybe he'll feel understood and cooperate so we can get through the next few weeks the best way we can. I know it still won't be easy, but I'll try to make it as peaceful as I can.
