Staying off the Ride - Going Commando :-)

[Tumbling]

Thank you Tori, Wendylon, InsideOut and SoulSearching for posting on my thread esp as I don't show up so much these days :-)

Thank you too for being positive about NM. I am amazed that someone is being so kind and gentle with me. It really highlights what was lacking in my M for so long.

Help!
Tomorrow night I am going to see H, if he doesn't bail.
I am really anxious about it.

The reasons I feel on edge are:
- we don't need to see each other - this is just following up a suggestion he made in Dec that we got together in the new year to discuss assets.
- we haven't seen each other for 3 months
- I don't know how I am going to react
- I don't feel safe around him emotionally because he hasn't seemed to care about my feelings for a long time
- He has not really engaged about the divorce process - he accepts it but he hasn't really answered any of my asset division questions/suggestions in emails
- When I send him messages (emails/texts) that contain both types of coms (how are you?/ I have been to see a solicitor) he only answers the non-D stuff

Example
I text him tonight: Hello - just an update re docs, the online divorce www has prepared the petition for downloading - we can review it tom night. Did you know we haven't seen each other for 3 months - it's gonna be weird.

He answered thus:
I know. I'm ashamed its been so long. I do think of you every day though and am looking forward to seeing you x

Why does he write this kind of stuff ^^^^^^^^^^^
Is it because he hasn't let go yet?
I no longer think of him every day. The only thing I think about is not being married anymore, wishing the process would be done already and whether he will hold it up (not financial reasons Tori - just not bother with it - I did all the paperwork/organising during marriage (bills, holidays, remortaging etc)).

I'm worried he's going to turn up and not engage about the divorce and what we need to sort out. Why will he be any different than other times when we have needed to communicate about uncomfortable things? He lives with his arse in the air and his head in the sand.

I sent another text 1.5hrs ago so that we have a kind of agenda for discussion. It will help me remain in control of what needs to be done.

Me: Hello - just thought I'd list what I think we need to discuss tomorrow - process, selling house, joint account, assets, personal effects - can you think of anything else we need to discuss?

The arrangement is to discuss the divorce etc and then go for a bite to eat (I am not sure about that now - I had suggested it as a carrot)

I want to make sure I can say no to the dinner if I feel uncomfortable around him.

I can also ask him to leave if I feel uncomfortable at any time.

This is really practicing looking after me.

I guess I should cancel if I just can't face it tomorrow.
He bailed, I don't know how many times, during the two year separation when I wanted to see him/talk about us.

I really don't think we need to see each other to discuss this stuff. I just want to keep him onside.

What do you think?


Any thoughts/suggestions gratefully received.