Next Step, Moving On

[dorightman]

Aventinus, no offense taken, In fact I appreciate your advice. It is difficult to be here, but with the support of our DB friends, a little easier indeed!

I struggle to keep positive, some days more then others. I understand this is a long process, I just wish it wouldn't be!!!

I'am learning from my mistakes and making small changes. Time is also helping me detach a bit more everyday.

Right now things are friendly at the house. I'm back in the house, sleep with S6, and w treats me like a friendly neighbor. I'm doing the best i can at not putting ANY pressure on her and we are both avoiding any R talks.

Thanks again Aventinus. I will try to read up on your sitch asap.

bye for now

[Aventinus]

Good! Keep up. I don't think you need me to tell you that the "friendly neighbor" is a great success for it. You have done well. Do not take it for granted and keep up. I have not updated my thread lately but will try to do so now.

[mamabird]

I lived with my H in the house as "roommates" for 4 months (the first 3 after BD I was living at my dad's house). The first 3 months were torture on the kids and me, but pretty much smooth sailing for my H. When I moved back in he was less happy but it was better for me and the boys.

Still, it was very hard to maintain DB at times. I tried my best to stay happy and unconcerned with what H did. We went through a period where I was loving towards him and that was ok but ultimately not healthy for me because I got nothing back. As the months went by, his stance didn't change much. We did go from not eating as a family and not driving as a family to doing those things, which were big improvements, but as far as his posture towards me, he remained steadfastly removed for months, with absolutely no budging whatsoever.

In the face of that, I slowly started to "drop the rope." The more things I did for myself, the more I liked how things were going. I must have been doing something right because I was even getting attention from other men (not that I was looking for it). Once that started to happen, I felt more confident in dropping the rope.

It was only after I'd pretty much completely dropped it and made peace with the situation that my H decided to come back around. I'd taken off my wedding ring, made a budget for living on my own, all of it.

So, my advice to you is do not expect anything from your W other than what you are getting. Be pleasant, but have your own life. Read, go to the gym, go out with friends, get a new hobby, but have your own life. You'll find that dropping the rope gets easier with time and as you get used to your "new normal."

[Lampstand]

Regretful,

I like your post. I am nowhere near dropping the rope. My H left a month ago and is living with his folks in another state. He hasn't even called me like he said he would. In my head I know I need to GAL and move on but my heart is torn up. It's made worse by the fact that the past 3 years we were together I basically ignored him and all his attempts to love me. He wasn't perfect but he tried and I couldn't reciprocate.

Am I missing him or am I wracked with guilt?