Limbo Land II

[jzoom]

First, AnotherStander & Tallula, thanks for the support. I appreciate it much more than the "give up and move on" attitude I get sometimes.

Yesterday I got some inexpensive gifts for the kids and they're on the dining room table with cards where ex-gf will clearly see them when she comes by the house again.

Not sure about that, she may perceive it as you trying to earn brownie points (pressure). If you want to see the kids then ask her if you can see them, if she allows it then ask her if it's OK to give them some small gifts when you see them. I think it would be less pressure on her and come off as more genuine.

I've thought about asking her to see the kids but figured it would come across as needy. I also fear the attitude of me asking her for something I want when I've offered her nothing lately. The oldest boys birthday is 2/3 and the baby's birthday is 2/7 and she had talked about a combined party. Her male friend who stopped by the store mentioned the party but I don't know the date and obviously not invited. I didn't want to come off as manipulative but rather just show her with my actions that I remembered their birthdays and care. Her birthday is in March, and if nothing has changed I won't be getting her a gift. Middle childs birthday is a few days after mine in April, so I figure no matter the state of our R at that time I'll get him a gift.

The gifts are sitting on the table right now so she could find them today. What if I just texted her, "I got *oldest boy* and *baby* birthday gifts. I'd like to see the kids if you don't mind. If that's a problem then the gifts are on the dining room table."?

I'm having a really hard time not contacting her, not trying to convince her and the kids to start staying at the house again.

It's really tough in the beginning but it gets easier. Just stick with it. When you feel inclined to reach out to her, just remember all the other times you've done it (described in your first thread) and think about how it never helped at all. It won't help this time either. So don't do it. Focus on you. Work on you. Find stuff to do to get your mind off of her. Don't contact her, it'll just make you look needy (unattractive). You can do this!

Exactly, everytime I think about it I remind myself that I went down that cheeseless tunnel many times. I keep going over the DB rules and keep reminding myself how doing 180's feels so unnatural. It's weird sometimes, like today, right now I want to contact her but I have this gut feeling that if I just keep holding back I'll hear from her...

I'm going to go back and read your first thread at lunch. No contacting is soooo hard. One of my biggest things, as silly as it sounds, was to make sure I wasn't the last one to text. Or if I had to be because of a question, I'd just text "yes" "no" "K". Strickly buisness. Once I started doing that, he is the one who texts "thanks for the replay" a smiley face, etc all the stuff I was texting. It's silly, but it makes me feel better.

I pity you for attempting to read my whole sitch lol You're going to see insane in progress lol.

It is hard but what you say about the texts is the route I've been taking. I've been thinking about it more like if I'm texting with one of my co-workers, all business.

She's asked me questions and I reply and get an "ok" or something similar back and just let it hang. It feels weird but then I saw the small change the other day where I finally said I could talk and instead of getting "nevermind" (which has been a more typical response lately) I got elaboration on what she had been looking for. Had to slap myself inside my own brain not to ask her any questions.



Also, my friend and I were talking about my ex-gf's good friends stopping in the store. Shortly after my ex gave me the decision that she was moving out she admitted to my friend about checking up on my on Facebook. I don't post much on Facebook anymore (especially not going to post negative or needy stuff) so there isn't much to see. I'm backing off big time, not hanging onto her through conversation when calling/texting, and all of a sudden these friends of hers come into my store.

The female friend I met once at the bar and the male I had been around a couple of times. Never seen the female in here before. After the Oct blow-up when I was going to kick her out he gave her a ride and then came into the store to tell me he was just there to give a ride and didn't want hard feelings between him and me. First and only time he had been until this recent visit last week.

Could she be spying on me?