Portia, The mlcer does sense when we are withdrawing from their drama and that's why they begin contacting us again and acting out because they want our attention and yes, to suck us back in. The less we react, the better and it makes them work that much harder in trying to get our attention and then one day, they realize that they have to try something different. Sometimes, they use the nice person once and then the nasty person the next time around.
I think I am lucky here. I have not seen the nasty in a few months, ever since I began to draw back. In fact, it is me who WANTS to be nasty sometimes. Even if it is just a childish urge to say Liar, Liar, pants on fire!
The truth is, I do not know for sure that he is lying or leaving things out. I have no proof. I simply feel it.
I am trying to remind myself of the positive signs. Are they even positive signs? I want to believe they are, but I cannot BE inside his head. What I would really like to do is slap him upside of the head and say what exactly do you want from me? I constantly feel as if I do not have enough information to make a decision that is right for me.
Originally Posted By: snodderly
I'm glad your parent is doing as well as can be expected. Every minute you spend w/your parent is precious and those memories will be w/you for the rest of your life. That's why it is so important not to be focusing in during this time. I know I continue to tell you this, but it's very, very important that you keep the focus on what is important right now...your parent and yes, yourself.
Thank you. And I am. One of the ways that I have come up with to cope with all of this is to "compartmentalize" my day. Just as I can neither think about this situation all the time, I cannot always be thinking of my parent. So, when I am with my parent, I am fully present. And when I am posting or reading here, I give myself permission to think about what is happening or not happening. Then I turn the Board off and concentrate on work.
I am fully capable of living my life without him and have been doing so for the last few years that we have lived in separate cities. I guess I was hoping for some reassurance that this situation is not totally hopeless and that I am not just kidding myself or deluding myself because I feel as if I am. That I want to see positives but the reality is that he has not chosen to be with me - he is with someone else.
