I don't want to live like this anymore. Even if things are getting better doing DBing, I still feel like not asking him what he is doing, allowing him to come and go all night is letting him get whatever he wants while I pick up the slack with the kids and family only benefits him.
Well you're totally right, it's not fair to you. Most of the LBS's on these boards can relate, because most of us had no input or control over what our WAS's brought upon us. So you have to decide whether to put up with a lot of BS in the hopes of saving your M, or whether to move on for yourself. Both choices have pros and cons and neither is necessarily "right", so it's a tough decision. If you do decide you're done, then set boundaries on him (things like no more running off without informing you, calling when he will be late, etc.) Tell him you're done with his games and that he either needs to respect your boundaries or move out. This boundary setting will force the WAS to make a choice, and often that choice is to leave. So we don't usually suggest it unless the LBS is just at the end of their rope anyway.
But give yourself a few days to think about it first, because you're going through some crazy emotions right now and you don't want the emotions to cloud your judgement.
