For the most part, I am continuing the 180 by getting out, working out at the gym, pursuing hobbies (like learning to fly)
Those are all great things and they may be 180's for you, but they really fall under "GAL" rather than 180's. When we say 180's we're specifically talking about searching to discover what you may have done wrong in the M and doing 180's on those things.
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and giving her her space to come and go as she pleases.
If you were smothering her before then this would be more along the lines of the 180's we're talking about.
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I did have a recent hiccup where I texted a friend that I thought she was spending excessive time with her guy. This is a friend that is a swinger and probably the only person I know that I could ever talk to about this kind of stuff. Unfortunately, W read my text to him and went ballistic on me, because he is not a fan of her current behavior. Her response was basically: "The only people you should be talking to about this is me and guy."
Not sure how to deal with the fact that she thinks it's OK to go through my phone's texts, but carefully password protects all her thousands of texts with guy.
I totally understand what you're saying about the double standard and in a healthy marriage this is something that would need to be addressed. But for now your M is not healthy, so you've got to put up with a lot of stuff from W and work only on your half of the M. You do need a support person or group, and what is talked about between you and this person/ people is not your W's business. So either password protect your phone or limit your conversations to your support people to phone calls or in-person convos. How did you respond to your W when she went "ballistic" on you over this? If we can get some insight into how your fights go down we might be able to give you some pointers.
