Your description of work counselling made me laugh, Snodderly, thank you!
Does anyone else ever wonder if the MLCer/WAS sense when the LBS is feeling that they just need to walk away themselves? In the last week, I have increasingly felt that it may be time to calmly and without anger, say goodbye to xSO. In truth, it is the presence of the GF that bothers me most of all, rightly or wrongly. I feel as saying that goodbye may kill any possibility of us reconciling but cutting that tie would also give me some peace.
I know that I have read that GF is just a bandaid but I feel like the longer she is in place, the harder it will be to rip her off. But even then, I do not really want to be Plan B or some sort of wierd consolation prize and I am afraid that I may always feel that way.
On the flip side of things, I wonder if xSO is being to feel me pull away even more. He initiated a text on Saturday - just a what's up. I gave a short jokey reply which said nothing about what I was doing. The next day I got an even longer text specifically asking what I was up to that day. He also told me he was on holidays for the week and then told me all his plans and said it was going to be a slow week. No mention of GF in that list. I know she has to be there somewhere even if he is implying that she is not. Do they think we are stupid? Lies of ommission are still lies!
xSO once described GF as the "elephant in the room" and I could not agree more. It kills me to make no reference to her but I am wondering if it is because I should not ask about her that she takes up more headspace than she should.
The other mystery here is why he has a week's holiday at the end of January when his holidays always fall in the summer. I cannot help but wonder if he was supposed to go away with GF but in the end could not afford it. I know that speculation is borrowing trouble there.
My parent is doing well considering; no pain and in good spirits. I am a little tired, lots of people leaning on me. I think that is why xSO is in my head now. He was always my support. We were that for each other. And now that I could really use that support, it is so noticeably absent. Maybe I am projecting all too well that I do not need him.
My plan right now is to keep going as we are and then on February 14, I will re-evaluate. I know that seems like a strange date but it has nothing to do with Valentine's day and everything to do with the fact I have an afternoon off work.
There are some positives lately, I can see that. Contact is frequent, he is opening up a little and that is the very first time in a long time he has specifically asked about my plans. And I DO love him.
So, no decisions until Feb 14. Please hold me to that!
