Heavy Lifting Solo

[Breakdown]

Any idea what she meant by the 15 date comment? That one didn't make much sense to me. Does she think something is going on with all your new GALing?

I'm not 100% sure. I think part of it is the GAL and part of it is probably her fear of what will happen. She knows I won't be alone after D. But I have given her 100% of my effort and attention for a couple of years now. I didn't get that either.

Is her aggressive attitude today normal or do you think something else was on her mind? I know from personal experience something can be on my mind and next thing you know W and I are in full blown argument on completely unrelated topic because I didn't discuss the actual issue.

No, it's not normal. She did yell at D12 the day before while we were stacking wood and I told her to chill out. She was worried about wood falling on D12, so her head was in the right place, but it came out very nasty and it upset D12. She explained that she was worried about her after I prodded her. Really, she could have been upset about something at that point, or she could have been upset I called her out.

When she told everyone to clean, S18 went straight to her and started complaining...that pissed her off. And when I told her that I thought she was driving them all a little hard, she flipped out and told everyone to stop working.

The kids (S18 especially) didn't want to go to our church's youth group Sunday night, and that bothers her. I think she's pushing them too hard and they will end up hating it. Frankly, when she came in and started the argument, that was what she was complaining about. S18 said he doesn't want to go to youth, or even church and it was somehow my fault. She even said that the boys didn't sing at church because I didn't sing. I said, "that was one song I didn't sing, and I didn't know that song." She said she didn't know it either but sang it. Then she made a comment about how she sang even though I didn't think she could hold a tune and I said "When did I say that?" and she said "You told me that when we were teenagers!" Really!?

All that said, I think you are on to something Spartan. She was much more aggressive this weekend than normal, and while I did defuse her a number of times, I didn't find out if there was something unusual bothering her.

Our ultimate goal in the end is to be happy. If you truly love your W with all your heart will leaving make you happy?

Nope, definitely not. I even told my W last night that I love her with all my heart, and I believe she is my soulmate if there is such a thing. But I think I'm at a point where I'm just going to stop fighting it. Honestly, it doesn't really change much other than the sleeping arrangements (and we'll see if that sticks). We're both stuck in this house until it sells and at that point, I figured she'd bail anyway.

I wonder if she feels a little intimidated now that you have gotten your act together? I know if my H were in your mindset, I might feel a little threatened or something like that. As if he's moving on with or without me.

Yeah, all the GAL could be making her feel that way. I know she doesn't like it, but I don't think she feels like she can say anything since she filed for D.

And I do think she hates that I've changed on some level. She doesn't want to stop the D, but she hates that I'll be "great for someone else."

Can you just tell us, what is your W's reason for wanting a D?

Basically she says that she feels wronged and can't get past it...she repeated it again last night and I chimed in and said "that's the choice you are making." She has repeatedly said that she plans to be alone and she knows I won't be alone long.

Are W and OM still an item? Do you know?

I know they are still talking regularly, and it's not all business as my W would like me to believe. But, she no longer is attached to her phone the way she used to be and she is almost always home at a reasonable time these days. Personally, I think it's cooled off more than heated up, and while I know he'd love to have a relationship with W, I don't think W thinks of him the same way. But who knows?

And regarding you, well, I'd say you put in more than your fair share of work. You gave it your best shot and that is all you can do. I totally get where you are. Not where you want to be but you end up there because hanging on begins to be really detrimental to your own well being.

I'm still working on me (and I have a lot of work to do!), and I'm not giving up on the M, but I think I'm at a point where I need to stop fighting the D and start looking forward. Sometimes I think that the only reason she's still fighting for it is that I'm fighting against it. We'll see what happens when I take the resistance away.