After church today, W wanted to round everyone up for a house cleaning. All in all, I think it's fine, except we all worked on loading wood for the house yesterday for 4-5 hours so everyone is a bit sore and tired. I wanted the kids to clean their rooms and such, but I wanted to give them a little time to do so. W wanted it done before she left for a work meeting in 1 hr and pressed everyone to comply. The kids got upset and frankly, so did I. I was ok with the request, but the attitude was really aggressive. W told everyone to forget it...she'd do it herself, got pissed, worked, and then left. We all chipped in, but there was no more discussion.
When W gets home 5 hr later, we discuss, but W is adamant about her position. She brings up things from 25 years ago to support her behavior, which I say makes no sense. I say in all honesty that everything has to be her way, that she's bossy and controlling, and while I was an ass at the beginning of our M, she has taken the reigns. After 20-30 mins of discussion, she decides she is moving into the spare room until D is final.
Frankly, I feel like I was understanding and tried to discuss. When W gave up and ran again, I was simply fed up and said "fine." She said something stupid like "I hope you have 15 dates between now and the end of the month so you can know your choice was right." I simply replied, "this is not my choice."
I'm so worn out with this all. I do love my W with all my heart, and I would like nothing more than to make her happy for the rest of her life. But I'm not willing to be unhappy to get there. I admit, I've been considering moving on for the last few weeks based on the lack of progress. Her behavior today is a big vote of yes.
I'm sad and I'm tired. I feel like I am moving to be a better person and she simply stays in the same place and blames me for he unhappiness. It's old. She's an awesome lady...I love her to death and I could not ask for a better mother for my children. She helped me get to where I am so I owe her so much it's difficult to even put into words. But that's not enough for me anymore.
