So the first few weeks moving back into bedroom W was all cuddly and wanting to sleep next to me. This morning she says "you're awfully touchy when you sleep " I didn't know what to say! She's like it wakes me up all night. I said sorry didn't even know, I guess I like to cuddle. Back of my head I'm thinking you were just cuddling with me the last 2 weeks!
Is this a sign to back off and give space? Pull away a little. Seems so petty but things have been positive and don't want to retract
I think it's a sign that you think things are one way and she thinks they're another way. You were cuddling and happy about it and she was being cuddled and annoyed about it, and she was the first one to communicate what was going on. You weren't in tune with her or how she was feeling.
I think you should pull away and let her come to you, and be pleasant and warm when and if she does, but have NO expectations that she will or won't.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
This would be a good time to discuss boundaries - both hers and yours. Tell her that you don't want to overstep your bounds and want to know what's comfortable for her. Maybe it's time to have that talk about what she's doing.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
She actually was cuddling up to me Advina. I would goto way ahead of her and she would get in bed after me and cuddle up to me and other stuff not discuss able on this forum. Last few days she have a head cold I believe and annoyed in general.
I'll see how the next week unfolds and play it by ear. I have EE on the 7th.
Do I just keep working on me and not worry about us for now ?
Or do I have a heart to heart when the timing is right again.
Maybe I'm thinking to much or just a little scared
I'm obviously learning more from you than you probably can from me but if I asked these questions I would expect you to tell me to continue to work on myself and be patient. You'd also likely tell me to stop thinking so much and start GALing (actually I think you did recently tell me that). What were you doing in past that worked? Continue to do that. Don't have any expectations that things are further along than they might be. Patience got you here, don't rush anything now.
With all that said though I would try to discuss the nighttime cuddling/ boundaries issue sometime. Don't have to necessarily go into deep R talk but some nice ground rules might be nice to know. Sounds like something has changed with her recently that you need to understand.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
LA thx for chimimg in. This helps. Yes I decided to stop taking it personally. In a round about way my W let me know she wasn't up to cuddling anymore. Like Bond always says "don't you realize it is on her" dont take it personally. I did pretty good. In the past I would have started to say "what's wrong" etc.. This time I said I understand especially not feeling well. Last night I slept next to W with no cuddling. Doesn't matter anyways. Typically by 3 am we have both kids in bed with us.
I just have this terrible feeling of fear that she will revert back to her old ways. I'm trying to overcome it. 12 step describes it as "waiting for other shoe to drop"
