LBS-still hauling-3rd lap

[swoop]

I don't even know what to write.

Emotionally drained and strained. Like I'm back on square one.

That's because you are running around pursuing her way too hard. Back off a little and try to do some things you enjoy

It's been one month since Christmas, when W indicated she was open to C together, and so far C as not agreed to it. I'm very disappointed about that.

If W is open and ready for joint counseling, find one that WILL counsel you. Personally, I think you really need to focus on finding one that is TRULY pro-marriage.

Saturday, 1/26, morning
Friendly texting back and forth about S16 progress and meds. Invited her to dinner with us. See Friday morning exchange in other post above. She didn't respond at all. Presuming she went in to C at that time.

Stop asking her to do things. Give her some space and time to figure things out. Stop pursuing her.

About 2 hrs after I was sure C was done texted "Hello". One word reply "migraine"

stop texting her! Wait for her to initiate.

I was a [censored] and called her. Didn't answer, texted don't feel like talking. I said just for a sec, called again, no answer, texted "wow".

STOP PRESSURING HER! Even if she would have agreed to speaking, how do you honestly think that conversation would go?

Emotional state: angry, thinking she's lying about migraine....I know....

You are spending way too much time over analyzing.

45 minutes or so later felt bad about the exchange and my thoughts, texted "I'm sorry you have a migraine. Hope you feel better"

You HAVE to stop with all the contact. If she wants to speak, text or smell you, she will. Give her space. I understand how you are feeling and it sux. I feel the same way. Unfortunately, we are not going to "talk" our spouses back into the marriage. You honestly need to give her some time to figure things out on her OWN. The only thing you have control over is yourself. Therefore, work on yourself at this time. Make yourself a better husband. Do everything that you need to do to GAL, detach and work on those issues you have personally.

This quote right here pretty much sums it up

C told her to "make it hard on him". I presume that means force me to make real changes, and I know, because W told me, it means don't initiate contact as much. I feel like that is cruel.

DO THIS....and it's not cruel. The only cruel thing is the fact that you are going to pressure her right out the door. Stop the pursuing and make yourself into that husband that she needs and who you want to be.

I hate uncertainty. Life has no guarantees, sure, but at least most people have a plan and can reasonably assume many things. I can not.

Tell that to a Cancer patient. Tell that to a parent who has lost a child. Tell that to a homeless man....that's life. Be happy about the positive things you still have in your life. It's not nearly as bad as it could be.

You can:
1) Focus on the GOOD things and more good things will come

2) dwell on the negative and life will pass you by and you will have never enjoyed it.

It's your choice. Pick a path