I'm having a rough week for some reason. I'm back in the full blown woes of my wife leaving. I did run 4 miles this morning and feel a little better but... I guess it just takes time to recover.
My D had a basketball tourney this weekend and my W and I had absolutely no contact with each other. Since she has moved out we do not talk at all. When she picks up or drops off my D she sits in the car and leaves immediately. I'm not sure what to do, I guess it is what it is. She does not want to communicate with me at this point and i cannot force her to do so.
My wife left after she played to go see a mutual friends daughter play basketball and did not come back for the awards ceremony portion of the tourney. My D was upset with the coach so I tried listening, mirroring and validating. I hope it eased her feelings some.
Going through a sales training class I realize that when conflict happens I tend to avoid it, by shutting down. I don't remember being like that when I was younger, but I need to work on proper management of conflict. Any suggestions on a book???
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
sub, after H moved out it was months before I saw or talked to him.
He didn't come to the house or talk on the phone at all.
We communicated by email (his request)about our sons so I had that communication link. Early on, if I called his phone, he wouldn't answer.
Now he will come here for specific reasons, things to do with the sons and we converse easily. He still hasn't filed for D and we are doing the taxes together again this year. None of that means anything to me, it just shows that nothing is "for sure" in this.
Who knows where you will be 6 months from now.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
About conflict resolution, for me it has to do with being able to state my needs clearly. This is similar to what I was talking about on my thread a couple of weeks ago. StubbornDyke mentioned Nonviolent Communication and I started researching that. There are some videos on youtube. It looks pretty crazy but when you get beyond a grown man using puppets, it makes so much sense.
It takes work and a lot of thought. It's been useful to me already.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
About conflict resolution, for me it has to do with being able to state my needs clearly. This is similar to what I was talking about on my thread a couple of weeks ago. StubbornDyke mentioned Nonviolent Communication and I started researching that. There are some videos on youtube. It looks pretty crazy but when you get beyond a grown man using puppets, it makes so much sense.
It takes work and a lot of thought. It's been useful to me already.
Hhmm I had not thought of it in that manner. about me not being able to effectively communicate my needs. Because when I feel people are not listening to me and keep stepping on my boundaries, I either stuff the feelings until I explode or I get angry immediately and explode. My exploding is me ranting and raving like an idiot lol. I'll look it up bug thanks.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
I just received a text from my W saying that she wanted to talk about a few things, asked me to call her in the next day or two. I replied we can talk tonight. So... we have not talked in over a month and I'm trying my best to keep my crystal ball put away however my mind keeps going negative. I fear she will say that's it I'm filing and so on. I am going to listen, mirror, and validate even if she says I'm done, what other option do I have. She may also want to discuss the validity of the moon being made of cheese. Ugghh my brain lol.
Good thing I have an IC appointment this afternoon.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Do something to burn off that anxiety too....excercise.....scream at the top of your lungs, anything. You want to have your emotions in check before going into that conversation. Let us know how it goes. I will be rooting for you!
Do something to burn off that anxiety too....excercise.....scream at the top of your lungs, anything. You want to have your emotions in check before going into that conversation. Let us know how it goes. I will be rooting for you!
Thanks sucker lol (in my best Mr T voice), I'll burn a little before talking to her.
Quote:
So what is worse case scenario ?
What is best case ?
What should you expect ???
I always said to prepare for everything, yet expect nothing...
The cheese thing ?
Oh yea...totally possible
Worst = case we divorce and I live. who knows maybe a better life than I had.
Best = lets work it out. Who knows I could end up unhappy and distrustful.
Expectations = nothing but a conversation.
my brain says this, my heart does the opposite.
Thanks Mach for putting a little perspective on this.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
Well... she talked to a lawyer and wants the divorce asap. I tried really hard to be a good listener and validate her concerns but when she started in about how much money she wanted and how she just wants the kids to be happy and for us (me) to give and give I started to get a little irritated. I still held my tongue for the most part and tried to keep my voice neutral.
It's hard to listen to your wife say I'm entitle, I have to protect myself, while she walks away from everything.
You can not change your past, but you can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.
That is rough news....BUT...Tomorrow is another day. Your race isn't over yet! Just stay focused as long as you can. I know you have read story after story where things turn around in the 11th hour. That may be your story.
