Hello, Have not posted in awhile. Since that time, four year separated ended in difficult 3 day trial and divorce this past August, same month I lost my Mother.
No surprise about trial. However, it was scheduled for previous month of May, but XH was still refusing to produce tax returns from 2010. It took a Motion to Produce, and a Contempt of Court to finially get him to Pony Up these important documents - so our side could conduct business evaluation.
That aside, trial was pushed to August, and D was finialized in September. Of course, no one is ever happy when a third party has to divide assets. I especially am not exstatic, as I must depend on his alimony payments to support underwater assets, that there was no way to sell. Of course, he got the successful business (an IHOP restaurant).
As some of you may know, I am disabled, and suffer from a serious case of bi-polar 2, and range of other disorders that prevent me from working. The stress of the last four years, as well as what led up to the separation really pretty much did me in, but I am coming back, and have doubled up on my therapies, and am lucky to have excellent medical care.
I am moving in a forward direction with the agoraphobia issue, and have made a new girlfriend, Marissa, who is getting me out of the house. She has been a dream come true. I even got up the nerve to go with her to get the first pedicure of my life! She has had straight talk with me about my apprearance, and the "image" I project - in the manner and content of what I talk about. For instance, she told me, if she had not know I had a mental illness and took 15 different drugs, and was afraid to go out of the house most of the time, - her initial impression of me was that I appeared to be very "trendy chic in my style, and highly educated (and my statements about myself were incongruent with what she saw before her)." Therefore, I have been working on my self-talk - and not mentioning my personal health issues when I talk to people. I simply say I am simi-retired (not disabled). Also, we decided that "Trendy-Chic" is cute, but a more sophistacated look might be more appropriate for me at my age. Lots of progress here.
The reason I am posting, is that I am trying to comprehend my former husband's non-compliance with the Judge's Order of payments.
(1) The alimony payment due on the 1st of the month is coming later and later every month. This month the check did not arrive until the 10th, a late Thursday afternoon. I depositied Friday morning, but could not receive credit for check until next day in my account. What that meant was that two mortgages and a line of credit were going to be paid late. As well, on-line payments that were already scheduled red-lined (that, of course was my fault - as I expected the funds to be here).
One of the mortgage companies, that bought out Countryside (our original mortgage carrier), "Greetree Collection Agency," is especially aggressive. They begin their phoning and letter sending when the payment is not received on he first. It really causes me anxiety - as that company is very threatening.
(2) The judge also ordered, that an additional check of $1000 be sent to me on the 15th of the month for the next three years to assist me in paying down my legal fees. These payments were to start December 15. Thus far, no payments on this Order have been forthcoming.
(3) Judge order former husband to pay property taxes $3200 last October. He ignored, it went on my credit card instead.
As the attorney has put leins on everything I now own, I have some concerns about my bill at her firm. It would really be helpful to at least show some good faith payments. I have sent a reminder text to former husband several times. When 1/15/13 payment was not forthcoming, I actually made a call to him. To my complete astonishment, he actually picked up (my intent was to just leave a message). He stated it was too much money - and the figure he cited was off by $500. I just had to hang up the phone, call back and leave proper info on VM, cause it was so frustrating to even attempt a response when I heard him say the wrong amount was too much!
In a footnote at the bottom of page, I have written some other details of why I am "losing it" about the financial situation. But this post is really beyond the financial aspects of the relationship. I am actually trying to comprehend what this non-compliance in fufilling the Judge's Orders means in the post-divorce setting.
For instance, I can tell you, there is no reason in the world for this man to not pony up the money the Judge has ordered, period. Actually, he came out pretty darn good after a 27 year marriage. He has full ownership of a successful IHOP restaurant that will be paid off in 2 years. It nets over $200,000 per year (that we know about). What he is assigned to pay me is no more than he would have to pay out to an assistant manager.
So why? Why must I wait for the money that is rightfully mine to arrive in the mail late, or not at all? The assets (2 homes) I am supporting are underwater because we milked them to buy the restaurant that he now owns. In fact, I am responsible for paying one of the lines of credit on a loan for a down payment on the IHOP as well. I'm not complaining, that is what the Judge ordered. Again, when a third party divides assets, no one is happy. I get that.
I would like to know what this little game means. Because that is what it feels like, a little control game, meant to keep me engaged, when I'd prefer to be NC, for my own well being. I feel like when I have to contact him regarding my Court Ordered payments - I feel I have been manipulated into a "pursuit" position. Therefore, in the last contact, yeaterday, via text and email, I copied my former attorney. But even still - I feel strangely manipulated.
I tried everything, and we are divorced. He does not want to be married to me - he pushed this to a trial - would not mediate with us. Turned it into a complete legal nightmare. He was totally non-cooperative. 4 years protracted litagation. Now, I am scared for my future, that is one thing I can say for sure. And I certainly am not looking to him for any assistance. I just want what the Judge ordered.
I have dropped the rope. I am ok with this. But what do you do when the former husband is non-cooperative with the Judge's Orders? My therapist suggested filing a Contempt of Court on him. Yes, this would be some serious consequences. And, truthfully, I am a little squimish to carry this out. That says a lot - probably, that he still intimidates me, and that I don't want to make him angry at me. Is filing Contempt of Court charge considered Divorce Busting?
Perhaps too, I am emmersed in the game. Or too, am waiting for three months to go by so he will really look bad to the Judge. I'm not sure where I'm coming from.
I do know I am afraid of my financial future. I do see the reality of my health problem - and being alone with it is also very frightening. I know, while I have reached some dimension of detachment, that there is still some strange hope in my heart. But in my brain, I gave up after the trial was over. And the detachment has become easier and easier since the Final Decree. It is the late payments and lack of payment that seems to deminish my detachment somehow - or gets him back on my mind.
Does anyone understand out there? Any suggestions? Any interpretations of this un-necessary non-compliance with Judge's Order's? And late payments?
Thank you in advance for your consideration.
Married 27 Years (Together 32 Years) 4 years Separation Divorce Final Sept. 2012
