When do I "Do Something Different"?

[jzoom]

kml, thanks, I do appreciate responses. I've been hearing this same kind of thing from other people. Honestly, I just love the woman and the kids, I can't help it.

It's not about saving her, I have expectations if she comes back. I see it as deserving those expectations and respect.

On xmas I gave her a promise ring and then she asked me why and we talked and that's when it came out about OM. I had then texted her and made it clear that part of what she needed to think about was that if she chose to take the ring and be with me then it would be exclusive, that she would cut it off with OM, and we both have to work on things together to correct both of our shortcomings.

She thought about that stuff and then when she told me she wasn't taking the ring, was moving out, and obviously hadn't really cared. I begged and pleaded but it just angered her; just as DB says it will.

So now I keep trying to remind myself "don't believe anything they say and less than 50% of what they do" and there's been a slight improvement in the past 2 weeks. She isn't all that happy with OM, maybe seeing the grass isn't always greener on the other side. She hasn't been saying bad things about me or bringing up how she's getting out and moved.

To work on the things I need to correct...she needs to be here to experience it. So I know we don't have kids together, aren't married, and I have been flirting and whatnot with OW just to try and detach and see if my feelings change. They haven't changed, no matter what I want her back, but like DB says, "divorce your old marriage" so that you can start a new marriage with your SO.....yes, no marriage here but I want to end the old R and start the proper R with her. Me respecting her and her respecting me.

I KNOW I can't force change upon her. I KNOW I have to watch myself with this path and have her live up to those expectations I have. What I'm trying to figure out now is how long do I wait in this limbo? I fear that the longer she lives with OM the more she'll just forget me. How do I get her and the kids back to the house so that she can experience the new me?

Because she felt unwelcome in the home, at times felt like I was purposely doing things to push her away, doing things to get her to move out, that she felt that I didn't want her around, do I ever reach out to her and let her know I still WANT this?