I want to make it clear that I am doing the 180 for myself, however, there's nothing that would make me happier if my wife and I could reconcile and pull our family back together.
I also realise the 180 makes the LBS move on buti was wondering what is the success rate of the 180 - with regards to spouse returning?
I know that there are success stories on here but would you say they are common?
I am doing all of the 180s but at the moment I'm having very little contact with my wife.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Since your w's claims about you mostly involve NOT pursuing her IN the marriage (unless you wanted sex) you may want to re-evaluate your strategy here. Get input from others b/c I may not be interpreting this correctly,
but you sound like you were a neglectful h, and now your approach seems to be more of the same, except YOUR place is clean. You still go out with your friends. So why would SHE think YOU are changing?
Originally Posted By: Intact
Wife came round earlier to drop off our son. She looked a little run down in all honesty.
Don't interpret HER state of mind. Listen carefully, with full eye contact, to what SHE SAYS and leave out the mind reading. She told me she was off out tonight with her friend and her partner was giving her a lift back so she could have a drink.
My wife hasn't drunk since she had our son 8 years ago as she says she hates the feeling of being drunk and not in control. People change. They explore new things or things they THOUGHT they hated. Don't interpret.
Focus on YOUR changes. You waste energy by focussing on HER and not you. Do your work. Why does she know want to drink? I quite often used to ask if she would like a drink etc. Who cares? Seriously. Why does this^^ matter at all to you? You're spending your time wondering what SHE is doing and WHY. You have some big issues to work on, so that you can become a man only a fool would leave.
Spending time wondering why she is doing what SHE is doing, keeps your focus on the wrong person. Do you get that?
I didn't ask what my wife was upto btw.
good
Can you answer the questions I asked you before, now?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Since your w's claims about you mostly involve NOT pursuing her IN the marriage (unless you wanted sex) you may want to re-evaluate your strategy here. Get input from others b/c I may not be interpreting this correctly,
but you sound like you were a neglectful h, and now your approach seems to be more of the same, except YOUR place is clean. You still go out with your friends. So why would SHE think YOU are changing?
Originally Posted By: Intact
Wife came round earlier to drop off our son. She looked a little run down in all honesty.
Don't interpret HER state of mind. Listen carefully, with full eye contact, to what SHE SAYS and leave out the mind reading. She told me she was off out tonight with her friend and her partner was giving her a lift back so she could have a drink.
My wife hasn't drunk since she had our son 8 years ago as she says she hates the feeling of being drunk and not in control. People change. They explore new things or things they THOUGHT they hated. Don't interpret.
Focus on YOUR changes. You waste energy by focussing on HER and not you. Do your work. Why does she know want to drink? I quite often used to ask if she would like a drink etc. Who cares? Seriously. Why does this^^ matter at all to you? You're spending your time wondering what SHE is doing and WHY. You have some big issues to work on, so that you can become a man only a fool would leave.
Spending time wondering why she is doing what SHE is doing, keeps your focus on the wrong person. Do you get that?
I didn't ask what my wife was upto btw.
good
Can you answer the questions I asked you before, now?
This is worrying actually. One of her complaints was that I acted like a single man at times by going out with my friends... I wonder what I do about that now? I need to go out and have a life...
Her major complaint was I didn't do enough around the house but I can understand when you said I'm doing the same except with a clean house...
Do you please have any suggestions what I could do?
When she talks I always make sure there is eye contact and I always try and ask her about her day etc - another complaint.
But as I was neglectful how can I now counteract this?
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
Nagging Being miserable Pushing her away physically - unless sex was involved. Didn't help with housework Acted single - going out with friends etc. Wasn't financially responsible
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
What do you mean you weren't financially responsible? Were you a spender? Or did you have ur W handle all the finances and she hated it?
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Then maybe your 180 on it would be taking it over completely OR at least offer to help. I love being charge of our finances but for me I felt so resentful only because I didn't think my H appreciated it enough. If he had mentioned something like "Our finances are good because of you" or "Thank you for taking it over. My finances were a mess before you took charge" I guess my love language is very much word of affirmation. But it turned out though he DOES appreciate it so much I found out in the couple group session we attended last year.
Maybe your w really wants you to help or just looking for words of appreciation.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
Oops I had an unfinished sentence there. I meant "if he had said those things I wouldn't have felt resentment at all before.
M37 H36 M8 T12 inc 3yr L-dist 7/12:H broke down 10/12:H dad D frm W4. BD soon after 1/13:H wants to leave 2/13:H gpa passed. Feels closer but H still leaving 3/13: S begins
