Edward - I've been following your story behind the scenes (as well as banging my head against a wall!).
If you browse this site and read other peeps Sitch's, their very first post, like yours, tells us a story of heartbreak after a spouse has left. If you flick/click thru the pages users give advice and they listen till eventually at the end the LBS shows improvement in their thinking and realise what they have to do, whether it means the end result is getting the WAW back or to make themselves a better person who knows that life will go on.
Edward, unfortunately this isn't the case and no improvement has shone thru. Re-read your entire thread and absorb every message because I'd hate for you to one day say, 'Wonder what would have happened if I'd listened and practised what they were saying'?
The end result in all of this whether we like it or not is to make US as a person better, if they come back surely that's the icing on the cake!
M - 37 W - 35 T - 11 M - 5.5 SD13 D10 S4 ILYBINILWY 15 Oct '12 Moved out 7 Dec 12 At present - Being the best dad i can be.
I finally spoke with a lawyer yesterday's everything I asked for I am a right to be paid. I am angry with W over this, especially the failed -$$$- see promised. I need to start a new life too, and I know she has the $$$$ but she just did not give it to me. She is spending it on other things. I only want what she promised.
I have been try unfortunately there were decisions that needed to be made about the sale of our house and she was not helping. Also it everytime I did not contact the w. She would contact me asking what was going on. I have do a lot of growth, yes I still miss her and yes I will always love her I want move on in my life I know I need to separate for her but. Want to do it admirably. I do not want us to waste time and money with attorneys. She is the one who wanted this why is she acting on it. Just the other day she close a joint bank account that all our joint bills are deducted from. Now we be charge a fee because of missed payment because I cannnpt stop payments that have already be submitted.
Have you noticed that you haven't really listened to anyone who has tried to help you? You don't even acknowledge the help everyone is trying to give you. They deserve more respect than that.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
This is where I am. "My wife doesn't want me". She has made that very clear. The another day I was thinking, she has really messed me up, and do love her and i do miss her but what can i do.I have been reading what these people have been saying and I have been listening and trying to understand myself through the 3 therapist I have been seeing. I starting another read " disarming the narcissist, surviving and thriving with the self absorbed". It paints a good picture of my w and there is no way I can help her, she need to come terms with that herself and I think about what was said early on here, i love the person she used to be. i have asked if she would go to a mediator i hope to get maybe one more shot in talking things through, received no response. She is the one wanted this not me, have been leaving her alone. How can I not think about other woman if my w is running around saying she is single and has s@#t on everything we had together,
You're not GETTING it. Have you read DR at all? You are acting as if she is the one solely to blame and I don't see you mentioning anything about things that she might have not liked about you in the M.
What were her complaints? Cutting her down and criticizing doesn't do you or her any good. All it does is cause resentment. YOU are doing this to yourself not her. YOU are allowing these feelings to overwhelm you every time.
ALL the WAS's on here talk bad about their M's. It is up to you to change things around and YES it can be done.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
I do not know her complaints she will not communicate with me. It as now been four months without a real adult conversation. Her initial complaints were she was not happy, I am not the man she thought I would become, she did not want to have children ( which I accepted and she told me that need to go find someone who wanted to have children and liked to go to the beach. My response to that was I loved her I did want someone else). She was naive when she married me. ( we got married at 30) whatelse she was unhappy living in our house ( I told I would move be she told me I did not want to move). Were went to another therapist and we really connected and she told me she had hope, then I went away to work, unwillingly. I didn't want to but she woild not have been able to fund everything on her salary. I came home and she dropped the bomb. Maybe I was just too boring, I lost myself in her needs and in her wants and gratifications. This I know. I had been doing a lot of work for himself I have me gaint leap from where I was even just two weeks ago. I am discovering I why I behaved the way with my w. And I am working through my feelings recognizing them, I am being tourght to allow those feelings or else you will never get over them. By working through them and digesting then you will grow from them. I do not have resentment for her, I love her. I am disappointing in her actions which could financially harm both of us. Some of the posts are venting.yes I would rather do that here then to her. I have been keeping things strictly business and i have people read through messages to take all the " feelings" out.We have a lot things to work but that is difficult if someone doesn't want to work. I have kept her well informed of everything.
i know what the W did not like and I am trying to change that. my job for one, but it is that takes time. I know she did not like that she was able to walk over, she wanted me to take a stand against her, now that is what I have been and she doesn't respond. I never gave her confrontation always did what i needed to do to keep her please, and she told me that she wanted confrontation and now i am be confrontational and she runs away. She does know what she wants.
