Yes I am not the best I can be yet. Still working on all of my 180s and they are definitely not second nature yet.
GAL is going ok. I am going out to play pool or bowling tonight with the guys from work. Good. And JOIN something so you meet NEW people. This is a MUST DO.
My problem, or difficulty, is with how to be when around my wife at home.
YES WE KNOW. We all had the same problem SM. Your situation is NOT unique. Detach.
I've posted to you about it before, more than once.
Stop caring what SHE is thinking/doing/planning and make it about YOUR plans.
Do not attach your happiness or mood to what she is doing/planning or saying.
Get a sitter if she can't watch your d. GAL so SHE wonders what you are up to.
Let her believe your old self is back, only better.
And STOP the focus on OM. It's absurd how frequently you analyze him (and you don't know him.)
You tell yourself bad things about OM so you can tell yourself she'll return. Notice how that lets YOU off the hook of change?
He's attracted to her and he makes her feel desirable. That isn't ALL about "being new". You were too busy and into your business to meet that need.
By joining new groups or taking a class, you'll GAL and you'll also look as if making money is not the only priority in your life. Let her wonder about how the "vitamins" are working.
AND DO NOT provide any funds for her to see him.
If he's so into her, then let him pay to see her & THEN they'll meet up so if he is SO into her, let HIM find a way to see her.
But YOU giving her the money is crazy. [b]That's a huge sign of weakness and weakness is NOT attractive. It's as if you don't mind OM doing your w. How "attractive" do you think she finds that trait? You're being so conflict avoidant & fearful of her anger, that you are coming off as a doormat, and that's not sexy. [/b]
I have been told to treat her like a roommate. But she said I was not giving her what she needed 'emotionally' so how do I show her I can do that if it's going to be too much attention? Or as AnotherStander said, is it not even time for that now?
well, SHE WANTS to just be roomates with you FOR NOW. She seems to want Nothing physical. Although she does ask you about the vitamins...
She wants you to help raise your d, & pay the bills (so I guess you're A GREAT roomate) and what does she do? She cooks dinners, and cleans up? Is that about it?
So you have to show her a few changes, by getting in great shape, working out and jogging so next time she's around with you and D3 (ask her to watch D so you can "go for a run") and
always LOOK YOUR BEST as if you might be "on the market soon", b/c guess what? You might well be on the market soon! SHE does not have to hear you say "OH I WON'T EVER DIVORCE"...that cannot be a position you announce anymore.
That does not help you stay married. I'm Catholic. But I made it clear to my h that I'd file for divorce before I'd live a celebate life forever or live 3000 miles apart indefinitely. And I did file for a sep so he couldn't mortgage the house "to invest" with his heroes. Thank God I did that too. Or we'd have lost everything as his MLC cost us a fortune.
Maybe leo is right. I am being too uptight about things. I should just relax and enjoy my time, live life, and hope she sees it at some point.
YES^^^....
How do you think I should treat my W at this point? She is very nice to me, but I do sometimes notice the torment and frustration she is having with her decision. Explain that comment "She is very nice to me". I don't know what you mean.
This is all so confusing. Why doesn't a WAW come with a manual??
B/C every WAW is different and the idea that a manual would answer your questions, is an obstacle to YOUR progress.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
