Thank you. I feel a little better today. Slept 10.5 hrs last night! Had dreams about being with a young guy and saying to myself, well, my first R after my H! I might've had this dream bc I watched the movie "Rebound" with Catherine Zeta Jones, in which she (at 40) gets a D and then starts a R with a 25-yr old guy. In the end, they actually ended up together. I liked that ending. Maybe Zac Effron is not out of my league anymore :-)
In reality, I still have the bad feelings inside and wish things were different. Was thinking about what my coach asked the other day. She asked whether I would date my H if I were single and he told me all the things he said back in New Year's Eve (the whole story about wanting to date casually while doing whatever he wanted.) My answer: of course not! She said, well, every single woman out there will answer the same unless he lies to them. So she said that if he continued thinking this way, I probably would end up being the only W he ever had.
I think he'll learn the lessons at some point. Who knows when.
My goal is to find love again. I've figured out that what really gives meaning to my life is a clean connection with God and true love. Material stuff, career, fun activities, etc, that's all great, but meaning only comes through love.
