Wife privileges reinstated, back in my own bed!

[mamabird]

Ok, that's good advice, to re-read the infidelity part of DR and probably After the Affair too.

I can see how what I said could come off as minimizing. What irks me is that H takes the reality of the situation and skews it so it sounds like something that it really isn't, then plays that to his advantage so people will feel sorry for him. That is what is upsetting me. I didn't bring any of this up with him, but I suspect we have some of these discussions in our future.

So, it's not that I don't want to own what I did, I know I made the wrong choices. Gottman has some interesting things to say about the motivations for A's that made me feel somewhat better about it, but they were still the wrong choices. I just feel like he is making the situation worse by using these words, e.g, "She cheated on me twice" (not true), and "she was texting with OM2 for months" (technically true... but he also could have said 8 weeks and that would have been true too.) I am a strong believer in "framing things positively" so this disappoints me.

It has been a week now since we technically started piecing. H has not put back on his wedding ring and I have not mentioned it. I put mine back on immediately. I am a little frustrated because I see him as doing this not for me, but for the kids and to preserve his lifestyle. I guess that isn't a horrible thing, but it's clear it's not about me, just from his behavior. If there were not kids involved, we would have been over a long time ago I think.

He's locked his phone all of a sudden, he won't "re-friend" me on FB. A lot of me feels like he's going through the motions so he can say he tried. It doesn't really seem like any of this comes from the heart. These are just my thoughts; I am trying to keep my game face on for H but I think we have to explore this in MC. It's like he wants to try but also wants to hold on to the idea of getting out... for instance, he said, "I'll give it a year" and has repeated that many times.

Please let me know if my expectations are out of whack or if I am being too critical/cynical. That's where I tend to go, and negative thoughts have this way of becoming self-fulfilling prophecies pretty easily.