Oh Tad, you break my heart. I am so sorry that you hurt like this.
I am of the belief that you get where you need to be when you get there. There is no timeline, no right or wrong way, no magic step.
But, you can hinder your progression through all this. I know you want to understand how she can do this, why she did this. And I get that. I do.
I think you have to just accept that there are things in this life that we are just not going to understand. No matter how difficult that is to get your mind around, once you accept that, I think you can begin to move further along.
You and your exwife have a history together, children together. And so, it is natural for her to want to continue to have contact with you. In her mind, what she's done doesnt change your connection. An mlcer compartmentalizes the parts of their lives.
So, you can choose to have contact or not. Your choice. But know that if you choose to have some contact, you have to be detached or you will continue to spin with each conversation.
In my opinion, given your reaction to this conversation, you're aren't ready for it.
Tad, you are still in love with her. And so, this hurts. For me, I loved my xh so much that I wanted him to find happiness, even if it meant I had to let him go. To me, love should be unconditional.
So, right now she is moving forward with her life. She wants to be able to touch base with you from time to time without their being any drama. That's what she wants. What do you want?
Whatever you decide, do what is best for you right now. The decision you make does not have to be forever.
And try to have the mindset that you do not understand and that's ok and that she is crazy right now and that is what it is.
No one knows what the future holds. But for right now, you are wasting a large part of your life pining for someone that you cannot have.
