Into The Sunset

[ericmsant2]

Ahhh….the wisdom on the boards. Man I miss you guys 
Tad,
Assumption – synonyms (according to Websters) are: persumption, postulate and hypothetical.
One defitions (according to Websters) is : “something taken as being true or factual and used as a starting point for a course of action or reasoning”

Like I said, I do WANT to be done like she obviously is with me.

Why assume she is done with you? Why use the feelings that she is done as “factual”? Why “use” the feeling as a starting point for your actions?
Tad, what is done? Really? What the hell does it mean to Tad? It seems like you want to push yourself to be at the same emotional point that she is at. Why? What is the difference between that and say….living up to the Jones? Tad, be YOU…just the way you are. Learn to like YOU. Learn to be COMFORTABLE with just YOU. Maybe then, you will need feel the need to want to be done....like YOU assume she is.
Live in the hear and NOW. F*ck what she thinks, feels – it does not matter. What matters is what YOU feel.

And you know I thought more about the stuff in your book and how you are two people, of two minds. I think there are a lot of times that I will WRITE things like "I know that I will never be with him again" or "I'm too different to be in a relationship with him again" or even "I'm over him", but then later, I won't feel that way,

Antonia makes an interest comment up there ^^^ ….. Ya know I have no idea if I will ever get back with my XW. RIGHT NOW…this very second, I am 100% sure that will never happen. But what about 2, 3, 5, 10, 15 years from now? Who the hell knows. My point is again…live for today. Live based on the facts and information that you have TODAY. Consider, 25’s story. The little girl lived “in the moment” (db101). She enjoyed the “moments” that she had. Maybe Tad…..your RIGHT NOW IS THIS…….

You know what Tad, you're simply still grieving the woman that once was. The marriage that once was. That's all. And it's ok! It's a Bitch! But it's ok!

Maybe buddy….your just still hurt and that is OKAY.
Wonder Websters definition – “a cause of astonishment or admiration”

I don't care as much as I used to about her bragging, but I still wonder why she does it. Is it to convince others or herself?

I think you still stuggle with being astonished by her actions – hence you wonder. The bigger question though is why does HER ACTIONS always seem to impact YOU and your sense of well being? Better yet, the question is when WILL you finally say that her, her actions, her wedding, her friends, what she is saying, doing, who she is f*cking, etc….. when will YOU finally figure out a way to not have it affect you?

Tad, wondering why she says and does things is going to drive you nuts. Mlcer do this crazy sh@t all of the time and there is no rhyme or reason to it. You aren't dealing w/someone who has a full deck of cards right now. Just let this kind of crazymaking behavior go.

Well said by Snodderly! Ya can’t fix crazy Tad. Ya can’t change her, manipulate her, wish her back – nada. She is gone….at least for now.
BTW….earlier you mentioned that she is done (or you assumed it)….
Consider….

XW texted S20 and wanted him to ask if I would call her

She says that she coughs a lot and can't catch her breath

She told me that she has been diagnosed with Restrictive Respiratory Disease

She told me that it impacts her life a lot and told me sometimes that it is so bad that she pees her pants or vomits.

Is this ^^^^ these quotes….the sign of someone “done”. Not in my mind. I recently have had some very interesting conversations with my mom, who by her own admission had her own MLC. My mom, admitted that he crisis lasted a VERY VERY VERY long time. Matter a fact she referred to it as a “fog”…she actually says that sometime she still feels like she is in it. Anywho….my Mom asked about my XW. I told her what had been going on, etc. and then went on to tell my mom how I was done and just wished my XW would leave me alone, blah, blah, blah. It was my mom, who really helped me realize that my xw….may actually never be done, my xw may never let me go. She went on to explain why, which quite honestly is not the point. My point here is that although you think your X is “done”. She may not be and may never be. Which leads to one of my earlier points……
When are YOU going to take control over YOUR life and stop letting her actions impact you.
You see Tad, it may never be “done”…you guys have kids together…a ton of memories. IMO, it never really ends. What does end is the rollercoaster that we choose to finally get off of. The dropping of the rope (I’ll get to your thread Antonia)…the realization that life is what it is. That this is the lot that we have been given BUT by GOD we will live the best way we can!

Does it ever end?

The pain? Ummm….no not really. I think we learn to deal with it better but it leaves scars.

The feelings you have for her? Ummmm…. Maybe with time and with space.

Her in your life? Ummmm….yes when one of you dies or if you really never say another f*cking word to each other but otherwise, no, you have kids together. Chances are you will have Grandkids too.

How she makes you feel? Hmmmm…. I think yes that DOES end. It ends when you say it does and this is not cliché. It really ends when you finally have had enough. When you are tired of feeling like doggie do do and WHEN YOU FINALLY START TO LIVE FOR YOU!

So Tad, finances aside, books aside, what do you really want for your life and what are doing to achieve it. If you need a suggestion here is one….my life. I want ONE thing more than anything in my life. PEACE. Everything I do or not do is for that one purpose. PEACE. For me, PEACE equals happiness. SO what do I do? I try as best as I can to avoid putting myself in positions where I may not feel peaceful…one of those is speaking to my XW. My emails are short and to the point. I do not call, nor will I answer her call. Why? PEACE. I also try and do things that make me smile, laugh and have a good time.

So Tad, aside from your XW…what are you doing? Where is your mind at?