Thank you AnotherStander for the quotes and more information about detachment. I think I get it. Thank you.
I most definitely want to build trust and believe in my husband. I believe him when he says he is trying. It is easy to doubt him, hard to believe when he has lied SO many times. But I am cautiously optimistic that things will improve over time. He is undecided as to whether he will contact the OW again...he is too busy at work...hasn't had time to think it through. But says he will tell me before he does and show me the email he decides to send. Can't ask for much more than that. I have patience.
I hope that he sees that being married and having the family that we have is worthwhile...and make him realize what he would miss.
I think I thought detaching was respecting his boundaries. His boundaries are all over the place and hard to figure out, so keeping a bit of friendly distance seems to respect him. (not hug him too much, give him personal space, not assume he's onboard with family plans, ask him if he'd watch the boys when I go out rather than just tell him, etc.)
