Portia, You do not sound like a crackpot. You sound like someone who is watching a parent slipping away and there's nothing you can do about it except be there w/the parent and give the parent all of the love and support that he/she needs right now. You are in a very difficult position right now.
As for your friend, I wouldn't say anything to him until you are on more emotionally stable ground. You are thinking entirely too much about the situation and truth be told, it may all change once you are able to focus more on your own life. You've given him and the ow far too much space in your head and they aren't even paying rent. Right now, your focus needs to be on your parent.
I seriously doubt that the counselor through his work is going to advise him what to do w/his life. This person will listen and allow him to talk, but they won't tell him what to do or not do. The counselors through my work were basically there to listen and offer support, but an employee just went in for an hour and would bounce things off of them. I tried it once after my xh left, and I came out feeling like "if I want to hear myself talk, I can do that on my own time and not tie up an hour from work".
Yes, their apologies are like children's apologies. Once they are said, they forget about them becasue they think everything should then be swept under the rug and forgotten. You are seeing more and more how his behavior is and it's not going to get any better for a long time.
Please take care of yourself and keep your focus on what is important right now...supporting your family member.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
