S hasn't been eating well the last days so the phone convo was actually her stating "Today S ate x,y and z" I responded "oh so he got some food in then, that's sweet!" she replied "I just told you he did! You never listen!" That's why I figured it was just her enforcing her believes of me never listening.
I can see what you mean there, BUT, the proper response would have been "I hear you saying I never listen, can you tell me more about that?" "Well yeah, it's like I'm talking to a wall! You never HEAR what I''m saying!" "Oh, well it sounds like that makes you angry, is that how you feel?" "No, not angry, but very frustrated!!" "Yeah, I can see that, you do sound very frustrated. How frustrated are you, how would it rank on a scale of one to 10?" "It's a 10 for sure!" "Wow, well obviously you do feel very frustrated. I can see why you feel that way. I'm sorry you feel like that. It is something that I'm going to work on."
The point being, the actual topic of the conversation didn't matter at all. What mattered is her FEELINGS and you did nothing to validate her feelings. In fact you ignored them. Not intentionally, but that's how she is perceiving it. In her mind you don't care about how she feels, because you're not saying/ asking the right things.
