Honestly, our communication is .. better. I mean I haven't really spoken to her w/o being spoken to at all really and I always make sure I'm calm and I listen, looking her in the eyes when she's talking, I'll pause the game or movie if she's speaking etc.
Originally Posted By: Dewayne
I am doing very well in our communication. She'll sucker me into an argument, or attempt to, (not really an argument but she'll get hostile) and I'm getting quicker and "shutting it down" and saying "well I'm sorry you feel that way" and not reply anything else.
Hmmm, well that sure doesn't sound like good communication. First, if you're really trying to communicate with her (and not just chatting about the weather or something) then there should be no distractions. That means no TV, no radio, no kids in the room. Second, what do you mean by "sucker" you into an argument, do you think she WANTS to argue? I really doubt that she does. Usually people get irate when they feel like they're not being listened to. Which leads me to your 3rd comment about throwing out a canned response and then just shutting down and not replying, that's a nasty way to end a conversation. If this is "better" communication then it must have been really bad before! Your W wants you to really listen to her. Sit across from her, make eye contact, nod. Talk 20% and listen 80%. When you talk just focus on her comments and getting her to open up more. DO NOT fix, argue, reason, agree, disagree, explain, etc. Just listen and validate. "You sound angry, is that how you feel? I can understand why you feel that way. How angry does it make you feel, how would you rate it on a scale of 1-10?" Give this a try, you'll be surprised at how well it works to diffuse your W's anger and make her feel like she's really getting through. The technique is great with kids too, especially girls. Men want to fix things, women (and girls) want validation. Since they're the WAW's, it's on us to learn how to communicate effectively with them, not the other way around.
