I want him to be happy

[stilllookingup]

I have read DR and 5LL but can't say I read it from start to finish really thoroughly. That's my mission this weekend.

My 180 so far:

Doing everything around the house from g shopping, laundry, cooking etc:
Even before DB, I would cook every night. The difference is that now I never ask for help. One of my biggest things with him before was how frustrated I was if he doesn't help me in the kitchen. We both work full-time and I tidy up the house before I leave for work but still have to get to cooking as soon as I get home and he's at his computer. Also, we would ALWAYS ALWAYS go to grocery shopping together. For some reason I never liked shopping alone and I always went home first instead of stopping by at a market on the way home, ask my H to get ready and go to market together. I remember he mentioned once "How did you do this when you were living alone?" He was so right. How did I do this alone? I did live alone in a foreign county and did everything on my own. I even loaded the big heavy futon from IKEA into my car alone and brought it home myself.
Anyway, now I don't ask for help at all. Interestingly enough, now he comes to ask if I need help almost every time I cook.
As for g shopping, I go on my way home and I save so much time doing this. I can't believe I used to go home first, get him and get out. ugh.

Being more lady-like around the house:
I'm not gonna go into details but let's just say we had gotten so comfortable I forgot that I was living with a man that I wanted to seduce. I was acting like more like a sister. Now I do all the personal work out of his sight.

Getting out of the house:
My H always brought up how I don't have friends and I used to get so furious. I would fight back saying I had MANY many friends back home, how he doesn't know how hard it is to be in a different country and make new friends that you can totally be yourself with... but the truth is I never gave new people a chance. Luckily people find me likable and I have many good friends at work that truly care about me. I even had a few people at stores/restaurants that we go to liked me that they wanted to hang out with me but that's when I completely shut out. I liked the idea but always went back to "nah I'd rather spend more time with my H" If I don't give them a chance, how can I find somebody I can be good friends with? Now I'm reaching out to those people who wanted to hang out with me in the first place.

Doing something for others:
Before it was all about me when it comes to weekends. I always wanted to do something with H whether it was just a window shopping or going to amusement parks. If I could I would schedule seeing my best friend when he has a plan with his friends so I wouldn't miss my time with him. Gosh how dependent I was of him. I've always wanted to do some kind of volunteer work but never did because my time was more important. Now I help a local cat rescue organization every Sunday and help out whenever they need me for emergency shift. The work I do is definitely not glamorous or openly appreciated because it's the hidden work that supports the organization but it makes me feel ever better doing something like this to help those kitties be adopted.

I know I have more 180 I do but I have to get ready for work!
Again, as much as it hurts that we are in this situation, I'm almost glad that this happened because I would NEVER be where I am now taking a good hard look at myself.