Spartan, again I'm reminded of how similar our paths our, the history, our first reactions, protection mechanisms, etc.
The same thing has happened to me so many times, and I always think the worst....I've trained myself to do so from a very young age. How I've managed to combat this is twofold. First, I recognize that I can't control my W. She is going to do what she wants, regardless of what I want, or say, or ask. Second, I recognize negative thinking when it begins and try to turn it to positive thinking. Sometimes I simply choose to trust my W.
You know in my sitch my W is still in contact with OM, daily I am sure. The boundary I drew was no contact with him in our home, but yet OM still called our home phone last week. I chose to discuss it and be firm about the boundary (knowing full well that it would likely cause a rift between W and I, at least for a time), but there are some things to recognize here. She cannot control OM....and let's face it, my W is hot and he's not going to give up the EA easily. Also, he apologized to W and said it was an accident. Maybe it really was.
So in your case, recognize that OM may call your W all the time...whether she wants it or not. Maybe trust that your W will honor your agreement, but understand that if she doesn't, it's nothing you can control anyway.
Hang tough buddy....most of us have been working on our sitches for a long time and still occasionally backslide. It happens. Dig into the "whys" so you can understand yourself better and make changes....but don't spend too long kicking yourself for the mistake.
Oh, and lastly, if you haven't already, you might want to apologize to your W. Not to get back in her good graces, but because you are truly sorry. And afterwards, forgive yourself too.
