I believe that it is personal counselling through his benefits package at work - a company that has been contracted to handle these sorts of things.
He is not having any issues at work (except for trying to find the time to see OW) although since this MLC started he has been very concentrated on money and working as much as he can, according to him.
I am feeling very anxious today, more than I have in a long time. I feel my world is suddenly all out of my control and that is not where I would like to be. I cannot control what is happening to my parent although I am enjoying the time we have left. But despite the small positives, I just feel like the only way I can control this situation is to tell him that I simply cannot do this anymore - I no longer want to wonder at all if he will call or contact me. I feel as if I can say my goodbyes, that I will have closure to the situation and I can move forward from there.
My life without him in it.
And then I remind myself that these things take time. I have read over and over that the longer a partner can live with the limbo, the greater the chances of a stronger, better relationship. But it is all a maybe. Maybe he is moving on with his life and has no intention of changing his mind about me. I am not what he wants.
I do still love him and wish him the best but the ground underneath my feet is shaking, shaking with nothing solid to hold on to and I feel stupid for holding out hope, like it is toxic.
The apology just felt like a child's who then expects everything to be OK. And worse, he may have apologized, but he is not doing anything different.
Sorry, I think I must sound like a crackpot today.
