Thanks guys for the support and not making me feel any worse. These boards always tend to ease the pain, even when I caused the pain.
I grabbed my Kindle this AM and accidentally hit button and book list came up and 'The Courage To Trust' was the one I finished 3 books ago. Made me think about the concept and I think I know the why for last night(doesn't justify it). For those not familiar the book basically says we're all made up of an adult, a child, and a protector. The child is supposed to trust and have fun, the protector protects us from being hurt, and the adult is supposed to keep everything in line and strike a healthy balance between the child and protector. Lately I've been letting my 'child' go a little further than I was probably comfortable with. I think the 'protector' stepped in and made sure I remembered not one single thing had been resolved and his plan was to mess it up for child so I didn't get hurt again. This is of course all metaphorical but hopefully the point comes across. Things go bad when the 'adult' isn't in charge and mine took last night off. I'm still trying to figure out the right balance for my 'adult' to work effectively but all the emotions of the D aren't making that easy.
Originally Posted By: Inside Out
Also, it is time to explore the thought of why you think you may be done and why you are DBing now.
Was wanting W back a gut reaction, or is this "Haven't been happy" a justification for your actions and feelings right now?
That's the million dollar question that I've put a lot of thought into and I still can't confidently answer. The obvious reason to stay M is for my kids. From a completely selfish reason I'm not so sure what I really want or what's best for me. We have a lot of good memories but also a lot of bad ones and a lot of hurt. So much would have to change. The reason I'm Dbing is twofold, (1) I have issues that I need to resolve to be who I want to be and (2) in hope that W will finally commit to M and we could work through our issues together (she's admitted to never really trying even though she knew some of the problem areas). I sure didn't help (2) with my actions last night.
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
