Time for me

[Juanton]

Now I see why my C says to not assume, jump to conclusions, or mind read. It can cause some setbacks.

Then again you might have just put your W on the defensive last night and she just responded back through her emotions. I guess as others will say just keep up with the DBing.

[Spartan]

Thanks guys for the support and not making me feel any worse. These boards always tend to ease the pain, even when I caused the pain.

I grabbed my Kindle this AM and accidentally hit button and book list came up and 'The Courage To Trust' was the one I finished 3 books ago. Made me think about the concept and I think I know the why for last night(doesn't justify it). For those not familiar the book basically says we're all made up of an adult, a child, and a protector. The child is supposed to trust and have fun, the protector protects us from being hurt, and the adult is supposed to keep everything in line and strike a healthy balance between the child and protector. Lately I've been letting my 'child' go a little further than I was probably comfortable with. I think the 'protector' stepped in and made sure I remembered not one single thing had been resolved and his plan was to mess it up for child so I didn't get hurt again. This is of course all metaphorical but hopefully the point comes across. Things go bad when the 'adult' isn't in charge and mine took last night off. I'm still trying to figure out the right balance for my 'adult' to work effectively but all the emotions of the D aren't making that easy.

Also, it is time to explore the thought of why you think you may be done and why you are DBing now.

Was wanting W back a gut reaction, or is this "Haven't been happy" a justification for your actions and feelings right now?

That's the million dollar question that I've put a lot of thought into and I still can't confidently answer. The obvious reason to stay M is for my kids. From a completely selfish reason I'm not so sure what I really want or what's best for me. We have a lot of good memories but also a lot of bad ones and a lot of hurt. So much would have to change. The reason I'm Dbing is twofold, (1) I have issues that I need to resolve to be who I want to be and (2) in hope that W will finally commit to M and we could work through our issues together (she's admitted to never really trying even though she knew some of the problem areas). I sure didn't help (2) with my actions last night.

[labug]

Try not to overanalyze anything today. Just get past this and then see how you feel. Being afraid of anything keeps us stuck, even being afraid of being hurt. Sometimes we have to put it ourselves there.

The world doesn't end when these things happen, even tho we may wish it would. You have another chance every day to become that person you want to be, to make those changes your W is so sure you can't make.

I would guess you're going to dial down the communication until the emotion eases.

[Mach1]

You know....

Chances are, that she won't remember much of this..

WAS tend to live, and feed from pure emotion, and they live in exactly the place they are in...at the moment...

They pick and choose what they feel, and who they get it from..

Did you ever think that she was baiting you into having that talk ?

Because SHE was feeling that closeness too ?

And she needed that, to re-enforce her choice to leave ????

Maybe this can become more of how YOU handle it, rather than how you F-ed it up...

What is your plan to rebound ????

What do you want ?

How do you plan to get there ???

Stop looking at the little battles so much, and start thinking of winning the war....

[ThisDayForward]

Spartan did you grow up in a dysfunctional home of any sort? I am being sincere.

[LJC]

You need to think and figure out some of the questions above but for the time being just try and be a bit more humble when W is around.

You would like to think after everything that has been going on it would have been easy to get the wrong impression regarding a phone call and she may realise this.

The main thing is that you learn from this experience.

[Spartan]

Try not to overanalyze anything today. Just get past this and then see how you feel.

I am trying to overanalyze everything right now so good advice there. I'll try to just relax and be cool the next couple days.

I would guess you're going to dial down the communication until the emotion eases.

That's for sure, I'm so ashamed right now I don't even know if I could talk to her. Last night is so not who I've worked on becoming, I still can't believe I slipped up like this. Really is mind boggling.

[labug]

We all slip.

[Rick1963]

John Lennon was right -- life is indeed what happens when you're busy making plans.

[ThisDayForward]

Spartan I can't even count the # of times I've slipped on both hands and feet.