Kimmerz, I would go ahead and have a back up plan in place because he's playing the passive aggressive game w/you. If he doesn't respond back to you, go with Plan B. If he says anything, I would then point out to him that he did not respond back to you, therefore you took the nonresponse as a no.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm glad to see he finally let you know. I think he was holding out to see if you would contact him again. When he found out that you weren't, that's when he decided to do so.
Sometimes I could just throttle these mlcers.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
In the email I first sent asking for his help, I signed it saying " i hope you are well".
And I meant it cause I had this odd feeling maybe he wasn't. WEll ok WE ALL KNOW MLCER'S AREN'T OK, but something different.
Well D10 got home today and told me he bumped his head pretty hard at work Monday.
Perhaps it was a hard enough knock to shake a little sense back into him so he figured he better write back to me.
I can always wish.
Tonight he's going to the movies with D13. I had a good talk with D13 yesterday and she explained to me how she's very irritated and frustrated with her Dad and why. I explained to her again that she really needs to talk to him about that, and her Dad needs help with these things, because he really doesn't know what to do. I told her they could end up being really good friends if she let him in a bit and share important things with him. D13 said she is finally ready to try and reach out a bit.
D13 has a friend at school. His mother is engaged to OW's son. D13 found out that his mother and OW's son seem to be very emotionally and verbally abusive to her friend, which is a boy. I've seen this kid, and he's such a sweet kid and good kid. I told her she needs to talk to her Dad about this and see what he thinks, given he knows who this is since it's OW'S SON!!
Im sorry but when a parent tells their child " I only keep you and your sister around for the child support from your father".... there needs to be A HANGING.
Im a parent. I have two very independent and at times strong willed girls. I do have to keep them in check by being very firm and calling them on their antics. But to speak to a child like they're an object only to suit a parents needs is abuse.
One can only hope that the bump on the head did knock some sense into him. LOL!
Is D13 not comfortable in discussing her irritation w/her father? He may not know how to relate to young adults. She will need to show him what she would like from him in the way of a relationship.
I think it's terrible to tell a child that the only reason that he/she is kept round is because of the support money. They need to be throttled first and then hung. It's any wonder kids are growing up to be adults w/mlcs.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Oh I know it. I told D13 if it keeps up we need to adopt him. It sounds as if this kid lives a Cinderella kind of life. Cooks, cleans, and does everything around the house and it's not even noticed. I could just cry.
You bet... throttled, then hung!
No, D13 hasn't been comfortable about opening up about her emotions to her Dad. Only to me. Yes it's clear he doesn't know how to relate to her. He can to d10, but d13 makes him nervous. Lol... she does give her Dad a run for his money.
I gave D13 some ideas in how to get the communication she desires from her DAd. See he still makes D10 the communicator. He tells D10 things, but keeps d13 in the dark alot. That really makes her mad. So I suggested that if she wants some info from him that SHE be the one to bring it up, instead of expecting him to do it for her. She seems to get irritated that he tells D10 when his days off are but not D13. So I said ask him yourself! Engage him in a conversation, and Im sure he'll respond.
D13 is going through the hormonal "pissy" teenager attitude lately. I think she gets that way around him and he just doesn't know what to do!
Kimmerz, I understand the "phase" your oldest daughter is going through. He knows that your oldest daughter sees right through him and that's why it's more difficult for them to commuicate w/each other. He knows he can't fool her. On the other hand, mlcers tend to be best buds w/the child that is the easiest to get along with. The one that will not question their every move and also will open up and tell them what is going on in the lbs' home.
I do understand the frustration here and I have heard the same thing from other parents about how the mlcer singles out one child as the best bud.
Suggest that your oldest D observe as her father and her sister interact. It might give her some insight as to how to draw him out. If she wants to know something, tell her not to wait on him, but to ask him directly. Eventually he will learn to tell her, but it has to be a practice that she continues to use and not drop by the wayside.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Can this be true? Can this really be happening? I started from ground Zero, and swore several times I would never feel joy, peace, and happiness again.
My oh my how perspectives change.
I've received from God what I prayed for and wanted for a long time. But, I surely DID NOT GET IT IN THE WAY I WANTED. Now, do we ever get it the way we want it when a very vital lesson is to be learned? Sure enough I can look back and see that had I gotten things the way I wanted, I wouldn't have found what I needed to find the most and learned (and still continue to learn) what lessons I really needed to tackle.
Through this, I've realized that I need to practice Patience, Trust, Faith, and FORGIVENESS. For all of those things have been seriously put to the test and are still a lesson in progress.
I feel I've made progress.
Just to realize this, makes me excited and relieved. I think the worse is over in my journey, and now it's time to really enjoy and appreciate my journey as it continues. Im working on releasing alot of things, and finding comfort that I don't always have to have resolution or answer to all things. It's ok if I don't have all the answers.
I've found that not having all the answers really ends up making me realize just what the real question is.
Im cooking two dinners tonight. Stuffed Bell Peppers for D10 and myself. Hamburger helper for d13 that is afraid of the peppers. This is the first time Ive made stuffed bell peppers.
At anyrate it's cooking so I thought I'd come read.
Im reading Gary Zukav Heart of The Soul now. I just started it but just a few things I've head have seemed to hit home with me I wanted to share.
Has anyone else read Gary Zukav?
From what I gather the Author is saying that all emotions are "lessons" in this life.
He says that our most painful emotions are the emotions we are most resistant to changing and that people and circumstances aren't the cause of our emotions, we are. Our painful emotions call attention to what we need to heal within us in order for us to evolve and live authentically.
So when I apply these thoughts to the demise of my marriage, and my MLC Monster, things start clicking in my head like the Transformers!
Has anyone given thought to how perhaps this was meant to happen on a soul level for us to grow?
For me, that was definitely true. Much as I hated the loss of my marriage, and much as I loved my ex, the pain of his affair made me look a good look at myself and make some needed changes. We reconciled and had several more good years before he went off the rails again. But by that time, I'd learned to step out of my comfort zone, to be brave. I've done things since my ex's affair that I might never have done if he'd remained a faithful husband - adventurous things, brave things, wild things, difficult things. And I've learned to live more in the moment.
