In the last couple months I feel like I have really opened my eyes and made some changes in my life, call it persnoal growth. I realize my situation has only just begun, and I will really need to make bigger strides on detaching, but I have done pretty good lately on GAL and "acting as if". 180's are something I am struggling with, but doing the best I can.
Last night I got some news that set me back a little. A mutual friend of my W and I phoned me to give a little pep talk. She visited with my W lastnight and felt she needed to fill me in. While I know that I should have turned a def ear or simply not discussed it with her, I still wanted to know. She expressed to me that my W's conviction to leave our family behind is stronger than ever. Apparently, my W has formed a plan for her escape, right down to the date. She has not filed for D because she realizes that she would no longer be able to live in the apartment I own. Therefore, she is plotting, planning and simply being nice until she can get her feet on the ground financially. This was a pretty tough pill to swallow, but basically what I have known all along. It just hurts is all. I honestly think I am struggling the most with the fact that my W is giving up on our family and our marriage so easily. Either way, I am trying to get my focus back on me. These little setbacks are becoming easier to deal with, but unfortunately for me, today will be more of the roller coaster ride...Weeeeeeeeee....not fun!
The only real difference I guess is knowing that she is planning for the future. It appears she is calculating her moves, which means that she isn't as confused as I had hoped she was about her choices. She also mentioned to this friend that she isn't dating, and that she didn't plan on it until the marriage was over....don't really know what to think about that, probably nothing more than she hasn't found anyone interesting yet.
Either way, I will still DB my best. I passed her in traffic this morning. She waived, so I sent her a text saying, "good morning sunshine". Not really sure if that is pursuing or not, but nothing really seems to change her reactions to me. I am still trying to figure out ways of showing WOA.
If she doesn't notice that I am the great catch that I am, it will be her loss. She won't be able to find anyone better than me!
"If she doesn't notice that I am the great catch that I am, it will be her loss. She won't be able to find anyone better than me!"
GOOD ATTITUDE!
I know it is hard to hear that future plans are already in progress. My H too says he & OW talk about the future, although I don't know what specifics. I still hurts. I understand that makes it more real and seems that they are less confused about their decisions.
All you can do is continue DBing the best that you can and you will be okay.
M- 18 T-21 S-14,11 & 10 BD 6-18-2012 (OW-EA) H moved out 11-3-2012 10-5-13 Me- I want a divorce. I want to move on w my life. 11-25-13 Jointly filed.
but nothing really seems to change her reactions to me.
Same here.
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I am still trying to figure out ways of showing WOA.
My wife always suffered from low self esteem/social anxiety. I spent our entire relationship trying to build her up. It never seemed to help her much. Yet when another person offers her WOA, oh boy, that means a lot to her. Once, my wife even told me, "I know you offer WOA, but it's not the same as when it comes from someone else" (!)
I said maybe that's because we just expect it from our spouse, and take it for granted.
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If she doesn't notice that I am the great catch that I am, it will be her loss. She won't be able to find anyone better than me!
Some may think this is a cocky attitude, but I feel exactly the same way. Sadly, they may need to move on before they realize this.
I once asked a counselor the following question: If my wife decides to stay with me, will she always harbor regrets of what she maybe could have had if she left?
She thought for a moment and said "It depends on how she reaches that decision." Makes sense to me.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
WOW....what a wave of emotion that just hit me. It wasn't directly because of my M...but more so the financial aspect of my sitch. The whole idea of how much of an impact this is going to be on my standard of living is becoming apparent....ugh....and now the man tears!
Well, to end off my roller coaster day my W dropped by to pick up some bills. That gave me a chance to spend some time with my D. For the first time since BD, my W literally just lingered around. She had coffee, visited with me and my buddy who was here, went through some of D's clothes, checked out the freezer in the garage for food. As cool as that may have seemed, it was tough. We literally spoke and carried on conversations like nothing had ever happened. That felt weird.
I am grounded right now, but I know before the night is over I will be wondering WHY she isn't willing to work on our marriage. It is just so baffling to me. When they left, D was hanging onto my leg. I began to tear up, and I know my wife had to be upset by this too....why doesn't she focus on her family and stop being so selfish....anyway, that's my rant. today cannot be over soon enough!
