Hopper, I'm so sorry. I want to give you a huge hug. I'm sorry you have discovered all of this. I don't think you're blind and you have every reason to be hurt. You trusted your H with all your heart and soul and he betrayed you.
I certainly am not the one to give advice on this but know that you're holding it together in an amazing fashion. I know it's not easy.
As always, you're in my prayers.
Peace, GG
You're braver than you believe, stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. -Christopher Robin to Pooh
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in your hope, be patient in suffering, persevere in prayer.