Finally approaching the starting line!

[eyesopen]

Bond,

Right after I posted that I thought the same thing. Regardless I will have the documents checked. Thank you

[Soul.Searching]

You sound great Eyes. I agree with getting your L to check them regardless.

[eyesopen]

Sometimes I swear my w must be on a anti-DB forum. The only thing I have heard from her in regards to our failed r is that I don't appreciate her. She did tell me that she doesn't want to talk about life in general with me, because she is afraid of what I might take from it. Also that she doesn't want to hurt me anymore and that she doesn't want to hurt anymore.

I asked if she was afraid of getting close to me again, and she replied that she is kind of afraid of everything. So I took the oppurtunity to see if I could get her to open up, and asked what she was afraid of? Her response, "lots."

So the D continues to move forward, and I continue to be baffled on how to subtly show her appreciation and detach as well.

I refuse to give up on my family and a woman that I love. I feel like will be stuck in LRT forever. I had a down day yesterday, the first in awhile. I have not shown her anything but my positive side in months. I focus on my kids and myself, and I am enjoying my time with them, and with my GAL as much as I ever have.

So I am just at loss on what to do with one aspect of my life. How do you not give up on what you want, by giving up on what you want?

[eyesopen]

I read the success stories on here and it help to keep the hope alive. Although I am struggling to really let go. All other facets of my life are going well, and I know my w is struggling with it as well.

I feel like if I do "let go" I am letting go of my family, or more my idea of my family. I think about a future with someone other than my w, and it just doesn't feel right. Not so much as it pertains to me, but for my children.

Would love some advice or tips on how to really let go. Or maybe I am just not ready?

I know this takes time and patience, and I have been off the whole body roller coaster for quite some time, it is now just a mental rollercoaster.

[BrightFuture]

I also felt that my H didn’t appreciate me in our M. What areas of your relationship do you think she felt unappreciated? If I put myself in your wife’s shoes, I would like to hear some words of appreciation. Maybe you can try to do it in small phrases and don’t expect anything back, not even her reaction. She might not believe it at first, but she will remember.

[Lampstand]

Good advice about words of appreciation. That is my H's love language and I totally FAILED to do that. I haven't even said ILY for about 3 years. Oops....I guess that's why he left.

[7720]

I am sorry to hear you are in this situation; I fear that I will be there soon as well...you said you read some success stories; was there something re ocuring that you noticed, a theme so to speak...the ones that I have seen that are succesful is the ones that actually really dropped the rope...they had built themselves up so much that they were prepared to go on without S or with them but they were ready to move on...I was not a witness of your last interaction but it seems like maybe you were pleading, begging....and bargaining.......if this is so that is going to push her away...Remember tomorrow that your life without her will one day be beautiful....

[eyesopen]

She feels that I don't appreciate how much work she does as a stay at home mom. And I do say some words of appreciation. I try to always say thanks, and tell her that she is a great mother. I do try and show that I do appreciate her.

I don't have any expectations when I say those things, and most of the success stories I read, are when the LBS has really let go. Getting there is the hard part, and I feel like the seeds of doubt need to be firmly planted first. How do you know when it is really time to start thinking about moving on?

I also think there is someone else. Not sure if it is E or P. I know I posted about it
a long time ago, and it is still in the back of my mind. So tonight after I went climbing I drove by suspected OM house and her car was there. I thought she was working. It does not change anything that I need to do for myself. I wanted confirmation. Like I need to know what I am up against.

I also signed up for the mandatory parenting through divorce class today. So from a outsiders perspective, probably not the greatest of days. Although, I feel only mildly affected by it.

I know I am a great catch, and I am becoming a husband only a fool would leave. My gears have shifted from being impatient to reconcile, to being impatient to be ready to move on. I feel like I am stuck in some type of mental limbo.

[eyesopen]

Another thing, why do I feel like if whatever is going on with her and OM was out in the open, it would somehow make things better, or easier?

[littleGTO]

hi, eyes,
I think it is only natural for us to want to move forward, whatever forward means...so being impatient to just move is probably to be expected.

The reason you stuck is b/c you still have an emotional attachment regardless of whether you want to or not. Detachment takes its own time and I don't think it can be rushed. You are right that this is the hardest part.