W will do what she wants. Time for ME and D3 !!

[SM34]

OK I hadn't seen your new post when I was posting some cr%p about OM.

When we met she was attracted by my confidence, my ambition, my INTELLECT (BIG TIME) since she was in high school with friends who were not so smart, and I was in college getting a dual bachelors in Computer Science and Computer Engineering.

I had big plans for myself. When I read relationship books i realize that is what they call "your adventure" and women like to go on "your adventure". When my adventure wasn;t so exciting it went south. Most likely onlyh because of the effect that had on me. If I could have stayed emotionally intune with her, and also sexually, i would not be here today.

All the way to the night of BD, and even until now, she is SO nice to me. She respects me greatly (i know what she is doing is disrespectful, but I think she is a little confused as to what she wants). She loves how I am with our daughter, and sees me as the best daddy ever. Always complimenting me on how good I am with D3, and she always tells D3 that daddy loves her so much.

I am truely lost with how I should act at home. I am using the time that I GAL and 180, to show her how good I can be for her, how strong, confident, mature I am, how good of a parent I am, how much I respect her views, and share the intellectual moments that she doesn;t get with OM because she already told me he is more into his video games (which she is not!)

But how else should I be?

[MrBond]

"When I read relationship books i realize that is what they call "your adventure" and women like to go on "your adventure". When my adventure wasn;t so exciting it went south. "

That's BS "alpha male" talk. Some women are just as equally fine not doing anything and some enjoy doing their own thing that is different than their H, yet they are happily married. You really need to stop thinking in terms of generalities like that.

Engage her in things that the OM can't. Just a little. All of the things you mentioned technically sound like you trying to supplicate what you THINK she wants. It's all mind-reading.

Do something different that you've never done before. But do it for you and not to get a reaction from her.

[SM34]

Engage her in things that the OM can't. Just a little. All of the things you mentioned technically sound like you trying to supplicate what you THINK she wants. It's all mind-reading.

On this topic of engaging her. W and i are EXTREMELY political. We watch all the political shows on TV, and we used to post a lot of election stuff last year. Anyway, what I am getting at is that when she gets home from OM she wants to watch that stuff, I guess because she is watching him play video games at his house.

So do I engage her during that time? I did that the first few weeks but then thought I needed to pull back a little because I couldn't figure out if it was too much.

Also, she still posts political stuff on FB but I have stopped commenting or liking them. although I always usually had something to add or comment on. Should i be doing that at least sometimes?

[SM34]

Do something different that you've never done before. But do it for you and not to get a reaction from her.

I'm lost. Can you expand on this, if you don't mind.

[MrBond]

"I guess because she is watching him play video games at his house."

Mindreading.

"So do I engage her during that time? I did that the first few weeks but then thought I needed to pull back a little because I couldn't figure out if it was too much."

Again stop thinking of things as a "strategy". If that's something that the two of you interact positively about, then go for it.

"Also, she still posts political stuff on FB but I have stopped commenting or liking them. although I always usually had something to add or comment on. Should i be doing that at least sometimes?"

Why not?

Twist the situation around so that it becomes fun.

[AnotherStander]

SM34, you've been told a few times here to turn the focus onto Y-O-U and yet you just keep posting the same old stuff- "W likes X, Y and Z, should I be doing X, Y and Z?" You need to understand that you're past the point of trying to figure out what your W wants and which buttons to push. She's done with you for now. Nothing you do to earn her back will work, it's all pressure to her at this point. Touching, feeling, back rubs, ILY, words of affirmation, compliments- it's all PRESSURE. It will all push you AWAY from your goal of restoring your M. So you've got to do what every person in your sitch must do- DETACH and GAL. GAL does not mean spend endless hours poring over books and forums trying to figure out what strategy to implement. It means working on you, improving yourself, making yourself into the spouse only a fool would leave. You keep saying what you're going to start doing as far as GAL. Quit talking about it and just do it! If you've done nothing yet, then I suggest you quit posting a few days and use that time to get started! Get out there man!

[SM34]

AS yes it would seem I was posting repeat content. But MrBond was asking me what needs OM is meeting, and how do I do at home, and maybe try something new.

All that was spread out over maybe 6 posts back and forth.

But yes you are absolutely right. I need to focus on myself.

Yesterday I told W I was going out saturday so she can plan to be home with R&D. She said 'oh? Where are you going?' Like she was shocked I had something else to do other than sit and wait for her to get back from OM.

After that she had a bunch of questions whereas there weeks ago she would necrosis nothing. Who are you going with? A friend. Where are you going? Wherever the night takes us.

[SM34]

Feeling good today. Its like a new level of detachment is coming on. =)

[leopoldstotch]

SM I think you probably need to lighten up at home. From your posts you seem like XYZ kind of person you analyze everything and its just occurred to me your W is with OM because he is the exact opposite of you. Now think about that. He's carefree loose probably not uptight. I will bet from your W's point of view your are stuffy, boring a lump on a log. Think about what i just said. He's the opposite of u. So what was missing for your W then?

[SM34]

Um could be. I don't think I am uptight but things may have gotten boring. But she was getting like that too.... I guess we got boring together.

She actually said on BD that OM is 'just like you only he makes,me feel incredible'.

In any case, is there a solution? What do u propose? =)