W will do what she wants. Time for ME and D3 !!

[SM34]

Mr bond! Yes exactly. That is exactly what I am trying to do while also GALing, and 180s. Please help me with some ideas.

When she dropped the bomb, she said she was neglected emotionally. We had issues in the bedroom that started with me being too stressed out from business declining and money being tight.

Then, as money got tighter, she stopped giving me the words of affirmation (my LL) and so I began to withdraw a little, mostly in the bedroom. I am realizing now that it may have been subconscious because the words I needed were also stopped. Doesn't really matter at this point who started what first. But we got to where we were ML once a week (she likes more, so did I a few years ago! we used to be every day people).

So now OM is providing her with non stop sex I am sure. Especially since she confided in him that this was the reason she was unhappy in our marriage. In my snooping days which are over now, I found messages from her to him where it seems she is quite freaky, completely unlike the wife I knew.

so I think she wanted to be much more freaky all along and either didn't tell me, or I didn't pick up on the hint. Snooping also shows that maybe the sex is not that great for her because the A/D have kicked in now and she cant orgasm, or at least not so easily as she used to with me. But she is still pursing OM so it is either too early for her to back out, OR more probably SHE JUST NEEDS EMOTIONAL CONNECTION.

So how do I do that? How can I develop the emotional connection when I'm supposed to detach? This is what I am doing at home right now which is derived from A LOT of different people on here:

1) I maintain STRONG eye contact when she speaks to me.
2) I stop what I am doing to listen

didnt used to do either one of those much because always doing something like phone or laptop or TV.

3) Cut back on phone and laptop during the evenings (180 from always on the laptop or phone)

4) If she asks me to take care of something at home, I try to take care of it as soon as I can, or AS AGREED. My Word is gold now.

I'm also trying to figure out her love language. She always liked thoughtful gifts a lot, because she is thoughtful like that. But at the same time the last period was so much about sex and affection that she felt she was starved from, that I'm not sure if physical affection is her LL. Any sugestions how I can narrow it down to which is more important?

Assuming it is physical affection, I then have a problem because I can't be affectionate with her through touch. She does get migraines from neck tension, and in the old days I would rub her neck and she loved it. However, since DBing, they say not to touch her at all right?

If her LL is gifts, I am screwed because you can't gift someone during DBing right? Valentines is coming up and I read many other sitchs and people were recommended no gift. Perhaps dinner or something IF she is home that day (which I doubt).

I am working on the attraction factor. Always freshly shaved. I shave EVERY day now like she always wanted me to but I never did.

Always look nice, exfoliated my skin several times a week to make it nice and clear.

The other day she was with OM and I guess he was sleeping on a couch at his house. She took a pic of him, and instead of messaging it to him, she messaged it to me!!

She followed it with several "I am so sorry!! Sh%t Sh*t" messages, so I think it was an accident. But, from that pic I can definitely see now why her friends told me they can't believe she left me for him, because he is a, quote, OGRE. Fuzzy messy beard, messy fuzzy beard, really bad skin, and face only a mother could love. I know it doesn't matter because he is providing her what she needs right now but I figure it can't hurt to be better groomed than him.

MrBond, I need suggestions as to how to be with her. I try to show confidence, strength as well as listening and validating when she complains about something (not relationship stuff. She has not brought that up since two days after BD).