The feeling I have is that I'm struggling. Key word : communication. My intentions are in the right place, yet I struggle to get in the mindset I need to communicate better. I know I will be ok either way this sitch turns out, but I really want to grow regardless of outcome!
What would that look like to you ?
What do you need, to feel that from another person ?
What would you need, to do to GIVE that to another person?
What does communication look like to a man ?
What does communication look like from a Woman's perspective ?
Originally Posted By: theUF
We've had some phone calls, texts and Spent one hour together(w/S2). Face to face things are good, but often when she calls she is angry. One of her complaints(180) has been that I don't listen enough. On the phone she got really angry and said I didn't listen. I replied to what she said so obviously I was. Don't get me wrong I have always been a bad listener, which I am working on, but this was more like negative enforcment from her side("see why I left you?!)
She talked about quitting jobs and going on social security checks. (She used to hate healthy people doing that.) She changed it to quitting jobs to go to school again. I replied that it's far better than giving up and sitting back, and that she would get an opportunity to get proper education. IDK, I just feel I come off as patronizing. And I have been in the R as well. Shared little economy, bought an appartment for us w/o her, didn't act on many complaints she had, so forth.
I guess I need some tools for this. She complained about phone/computer/gaming as well, and I've kept those to an absolute minimum as long as S is around. The problem is however communication/interaction skills. I'm in the process of findng a C/therapist. Most have long waiting lists. Any suggestions to male vs female? One issue I believe is my R to my mother over the years.
I don't think that listening means the same thing to a Man and a Woman.
I think Men tend to listen in one way, and Women in another. I think that you should interpret the above questions to really understand what she is looking for.
There is a huge difference between being heard, and being listened to....especially to a Woman...
Simply repeating words back to a Woman, does not mean that you listened to them.
It means that you simply understood the language that they were speaking.
Feeling the emotion, the subtleties in which it was meant, finding the value in their thoughts, validating their words, feeding the conversation with acknowledgement that you are present, and being available to "just be" for them. Asking them if they want your opinion afterward, or are they just looking to vent. Taking the time to appreciate that their feelings are worth YOUR time. Your body language telling them, without a word spoken, that you value their time. Making sure that they know, without a doubt, that you HEARD them.....seeking to understand them, before you have the need to be understood...
