I have been keeping contact to a minimum - usually just reply to answer - so now I'm actuing weird, so he says.
Detachment is more for you than him. How do YOU feel? He's trying to get you back onto the roller coaster, don't do it.
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I woke up to a text that says he doesn't trust me in the slightest. I didn't answer.
Good, it doesn't deserve an answer. He needs to come to grips with the fact that he moved out, you no longer answer to him and that is by HIS choice.
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So - let me get this straight - I can't go out with you because you don't want to be seen with me. I can't go out with my friends either because I can't be trusted. Am I supposed to sit home all the time?
That's exactly what he would like, he wants you in reserve in case he changes his mind. But you are doing the right thing. Detach. GAL. Don't let his spewing affect you.
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Which brings up something else - has anyone used private investigators to see what is really going on? I really wouldn't have a way to really know otherwise.
No, we definitely do not recommend that, it's the worst form of snooping. A lot of people really have heartburn over this question. I did too, so I finally just asked myself "what if she is in a PA? Would I change my approach? Would I not want to reconcile?" In our case neither of us were anything close to virgins when we met although we hadn't been married. So in the end I decided if she had an A then I would still want to R if possible, because it's not like I was the only person she had been with anyway (or vice versa). So at that point I told myself "OK, then assume she IS in a PA and move on accordingly". So that's what I've done. I assume she had a PA, but I really don't know for sure. And because I've made that assumption, knowing versus not knowing doesn't matter to me now.
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Don't think anything is going on now, but I also feel like the reason he accuses me of things so much is because of what he is doing. (or has done)
Yup, that is very often the case. A have a female friend whose husband had a PA. He became so paranoid that he insisted that my FRIEND get tested for STD's!!!!! Seriously! He's the one that had the affair and he never got tested, but he wanted HER to get tested and she never had any kind of A, not even an EA! I just can't believe the mindest of adulterers, it's incredible.
