Can I ask - how can you be certain this is WAW Syndrome?
Because of this:
Quote:
Just after her 39th Birthday in December my Wife told me our marriage was over (we have been married 9 years and have a 8 year old Son together). She said she no longer loved me and couldn't be with me...
That's a WAW. I'm not sure I'd call it a "syndrome" because that implies she's sick or something. She's not. There were problems in the marriage that drove her away. Figure out what your contributions were and do 180's on those things.
Originally Posted By: Intact
I don't want to take action like it is if it could potentially be something else if that makes any sense?
Regardless of whether a person is MLC or WAS, the DB'ing approach is the same. So don't fret over that. Just throw yourself into DR and start working on the one and only thing you have control over... YOU.
Problems in my marriage were basically: poor communication, lack of help on housework and not enough non sexual touch.
Obviously I have the house now so I think I have more than proven that I can do the housework, the lack of touch is a bit tricky to do anything about for the time being though...
I have detached - I don't message her now unless I am replying and then it's short and too the point...
She has removed her wedding ring, do you think I should remove mine?
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
bTW: Is it likely that she's already "got" somebody else? I have a feeling if she hasn't already she will start "dating" very soon. I hope this could help my case and make her realise that the grass isn't always greener but I realise the pendulum could swing either way.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
[quote=Intact]bTW: Is it likely that she's already "got" somebody else? I have a feeling if she hasn't already she will start "dating" very soon. I hope this could help my case and make her realise that the grass isn't always greener but I realise the pendulum could swing either way. [/quote/]
it will NOT help your case if you are not a changed man. I'm not blaming you for her decision but yes, you played a role. You're very vague about it though.
What are your 180s, other than having to clean the house now since she's not there?
And what else has SHE SAID was wrong over the years? Don't worry; we won't judge. But you've given us too little to work with here. And have you read the Div Busting or Div Remedy book yet? Do so asap.
She will not return to you UNLESS she believes that
Marriage to you, from this day forward, will be better/different than before.
Your job is SHOWING her that it will be.
Become a man only a fool would leave. Be the best father you can be. NO woman is unmoved by that.
Listen to her words carefully with full eye contact. And read the book!
Then give us more info. Tell us what SHE has said over the years. What did her family say?
Why is she so done?
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
^^^25 has great info, her posts are pure gold as always
Originally Posted By: Intact
the lack of touch is a bit tricky to do anything about for the time being though...
True, you can't do anything about that for now. Deal with what you can address. Surely there was more though. Really dig deep and find those problems.
Quote:
She has removed her wedding ring, do you think I should remove mine?
Yes, and the reason I say that is because you don't want to apply pressure to her. If she's not wearing hers and you are wearing yours, it's reminding her the two of you are not on the same page. So remove yours too, make her think you're in agreement with her. It's the same logic behind not saying ILY. If you say it and she doesn't then it's pressure on her and a big reminder that the two of you don't feel the same towards each other.
[quote=Intact]bTW: Is it likely that she's already "got" somebody else? I have a feeling if she hasn't already she will start "dating" very soon. I hope this could help my case and make her realise that the grass isn't always greener but I realise the pendulum could swing either way. [/quote/]
it will NOT help your case if you are not a changed man. I'm not blaming you for her decision but yes, you played a role. You're very vague about it though.
What are your 180s, other than having to clean the house now since she's not there?
And what else has SHE SAID was wrong over the years? Don't worry; we won't judge. But you've given us too little to work with here. And have you read the Div Busting or Div Remedy book yet? Do so asap.
She will not return to you UNLESS she believes that
Marriage to you, from this day forward, will be better/different than before.
Your job is SHOWING her that it will be.
Become a man only a fool would leave. Be the best father you can be. NO woman is unmoved by that.
Listen to her words carefully with full eye contact. And read the book!
Then give us more info. Tell us what SHE has said over the years. What did her family say?
Why is she so done?
Ok so the issues over the years as far as I understand are: physically pushing her away from contact unless there was sex involved, lack of financial responsibility, nagging, attitude problem and not helping enough around the house. I doing 180s on all of these - except the physical touch as there's nothing I can do with that at this point in time.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
So my wife just came round the house to pick up a few bits. I have to say she seems really happy, and looks really good. In fact it's quite upsetting how happy she seems.
She asked if I had a good night last night as she knew I went out I just said "yes thanks".
I was pleasant to her but didn't ask what she was doing etc
She started to tell me about her day at work and I made sure there was plenty of eye contact. As she left she just said "have a good evening"
That's the most upsetting thing though - how happy she seems.
W 39 Me 33 M 9yrs 8 year old Son ILYBINILWY - Dec 12 W moved out - Jan 2013 OM - Jan 2013 I file for D - May 2013
So my wife just came round the house to pick up a few bits. I have to say she seems really happy, and looks really good. In fact it's quite upsetting how happy she seems.
That's the most upsetting thing though - how happy she seems.
I totally understand, whenever I see my W she looks very happy as well, not sure if she really is or if it is just a front.
Don't believe anything she says and only half of what she does. She may look happy but most WAS are struggling to some degree with the decision. Try not to be upset or even think about how she is feeling or what she is thinking about. Try to be happy for her that she seems happy, that one really threw my W when I started doing that.
Good job not asking any questions on what she was doing. One thing I really started doing that I feel is starting to change our dynamic is when W talks about her day I emphasize with her but give no opinion on how to handle anything. Just listen and validate.
Sounds like she has some specific concerns with the M and the ones that jumped out to me were the attitude problems, lack of financial responsibility, and the single lifestyle. 1st and most important question I think doesn't always get asked is do you understand her complaints and take ownership of them? What are you doing to 180 these?
Personality is who the world sees, character is who you are
