So on Saturday and Sunday I didn't bother messaging her or talking to her at all, then on Monday I had an appointment with my shrink. When I first saw her she put me on Klonopin but with this new job I can't be on any benzo's for medication.
So while I was at orientation and had an awakening that I was being pathetic like the guy across the hall from me and said I wasn't going to do that anymore, I also decided to stop take the meds since I can't be on them for that driving job.
well my shrink says to me, "well I guess you've functioned in life this far along, so I guess we'll see how that goes." I then told her about the DB webstite and Sandi2's rules. And she agreed that it would be helpful.
After my appt I decided to check my FB account and noticed my W posted a quote saying " Today I close the door to my past, open the door to my future, take a deep breath and step through to a new life". Well 15 minutes later she texts me to say " I see that kids mom moved." So I waited about 20 minues to answer her reply and then she asks me more questions about it went back and forth for maybe 5 minutes but that was it.
Then the unthinkable happene that Monday night. As I was at my parents house I get call from a number I didnt recognize but I answered anyways. Here it was my W and she was at the hospital. Apparently she let her D(16) drive her vehicle into the garage and since you have to stop at a certain point my wife was infront of the vehicle to let her know when to stop and my SD accidently hit and pinned my wife against shelves I built. So I asked my W if she wanted me to come there and she said "Yes and no." And I told her I would be there as soon as possible.
While at the hospital I kept telling myself, just validate anything she says and don't bring up any R talks. So at one point she goes to tell me that she is not sure anymore about anyhting. She is not sure she wants to get back toether or not and if I feel as though she is stringing me along and want to file then she understands. She also goes on to tell me that she wishes that her and I could be as close that he and her D(16) dad is. But because I am a rollercoaster of emotions that she doesn't think that is possible right now.
She then goes on to say that she is not sure if we rushed into our marriage and if she should be done because my PA was strike one, my EA was strike 2, and me walking out that night was strike 3, but yet she also wants to think that we can get back together. I told her I understand.
So after 2.5 hours there they discharge her, nothing broken just sore and black and blue. So before she changed back I asked if she wanted me to leave the room as she changed and she said no stay cuz she might need me. So I helped her with getting her pants, socks and shoes back on. Then she put back on her top and was not shy about showing off her chest in front of me. Then as we are walking out she was hobbiling along while grabbing onto my coat arm, then she grabbed and held onto my hand as well walked out to the car.
As we were almost to the house I asked her " So you said that you and D(16) dad are just friends, then you would have no objections of me seeing the last 10 or so text messages, and she immediately became defensive and said No, that it was her phone." So I told her that "You know how suspicious that sounds or makes you look." And she didn't care. So I told her that if she was in my shoes she would think that something was up as well. Guess I should have phrased it better so it didnt sound like i was pressuring her.
Well the next morning I texted her just to see how she was doing and how her D was doing because I am sure that traumatized her. And she said she was doing ok but in pain and her D was okay but is still shooken up by the whole ordeal. Now I know I should have just left it there and just gone on with my day but I couldnt help think about how defensive she got when asked to see the text messages. So I then did what I should not have done which was text aboutthe relationship.
I sent her these messages " I just want you to know that the "friendship" that you have with daughters dad right now is hurting not only me, but our chance of reconciling our marriage. The fact that you guys "hang out" and talk about our marital problems instead of admitting you are having an emotional affair is really hurtful. You already know the pain that any affair can bring so you already know the pain that I am feeling right now whether it is physical or not".
"I know you will just go on to say "we are just good friends" and will continue to tell yourself that so it doesn't seem like you arecheating or having an affair. But if you look up emotional affair on any website then you will see that you are currently in one."
She replies back "Ok Juanton" So I replied back. " You already know that I love you, so there is no need to profess my lve for you any further. But if you have any hopes our repairing our marriage then you have to be willing to walk away from the "friendship" that you have with him and put energy and time into fixing our problems." "Without first admitting tht you are in emotional affair to yourself and to me, we'll never be able to start down the road to recovery."
She then replies back "Listen I'm glad you want to talk about this, but now is really not a good time. I can't think straight."
So I ask when is a good time then and she tells me she doesn't know and then I send the last text message " Well when you are ready to sit down and talk then let me know and I will make time to sit down with you and truly listen to you."
That was Tuesday morning and haven't talked to her since. I know I am about to get beat up by you guys about my text messages, or even some of the things I did in my past and I am ready for all of that.
As I previously said I have my book DR in the mail right now. And last night I just bout "Not just Friends" for the kindle and will read some of that today. Last night I went to a Divorce/Separation support group as well.
So I am trying to detatch and GAL but I will admit that it is the hardest thing I have ever had to do.
